Fat Kid Vocabulary

Terms and phrases frequently uttered by and/or used to describe Eternal Fat Kids:

Sturdy: A seemingly non-offensive way to describe a person of extra size. Used by skinny people aware of the sensitive nature of eternal fat kids in attempt to accurately describe a fat kid to their face without getting "the look". Synonyms: Husky, big-boned. I have been called all of these at various points in my life. All are just as offensive as calling me a fat-ass, so if you are gonna describe me to my face feel free to go for the gold.

Double-dipped: The act of making any dipped food doubly awesome. If doing something once makes food tastes better, then by-golly doing it twice is nothing short of spectacular. Ex. Double-dipped hot wings (they batter, fry, dip, and then repeat), double dipped chocolate anything, double stuffed Oreos, twice baked potatoes, you get the picture. As a side note, double dipping anything is probably a fast track to doubling the calories as well, just sayin'.

Hangry: A primal state of hunger so extreme that evokes the emotional reaction of anger. If you encounter a hangry eternal fat kid stay out of their way!! Especially if you are a skinny person with food in your hand. These kids are likely to be sharp tongued at the very least and have the potential to be violent if provoked. If anything, FEED THE BEAR. As an eternal fat kid, I try not to let myself get to the point of hangry. Not easy when you are getting back on the wagon!!

Foodie: A sophisticated way to say fat person with discriminating tastes. Sounds better by societies standards than fat-guy/gal who likes good eats.

Super-sized: An option at all fast food places in one form or another (foot-long, make it big, route 44, grande, etc.) that unless you are a professional athlete, will contain more calories than you could hope to burn in a week. Also, the only option an eternal fat kid seems to be able to read on the menu. I spent a good portion of my life falling victim to the super-size. Speaking financially it is more bang for your buck, speaking health-wise it is a death sentence.

Food Baby: The feeling of having a full-term baby in your stomach after consuming a large amount of food. Usually experienced post-binge. If I had the same number of actual children as the number of food babies I have experienced, Octo-Mom would have nothing on me.

Food Coma: The 4 hour nap that likely follows a a large meal or in most cases, a binge. Due to the blood leaving your brain in order to help out your crying for help digestive system. Side affect include inability to concentrate or hold a normal conversation, physically move, and eventual unconsciousness. Usually accompanies a food baby and a sense of hunger when you come out of it.