Sunshine and Roses

Not every single day is a good day. I am not afraid to admit that. Today was what I call a "fat day." I know you have all uttered that phrase before, I FEEL FAT. Am I more fat than I was yesterday? Than last week? I can't imagine why I would be, but anything is possible. Fat days usually snowball right into being grumpy days that inevitably turn into a bad day. I was not born with that innate ability to reverse my mood with a happy thought. Some people are. More power to them. Once I get in a little funk I tend to settle in. Hopefully it is just a day long. It is stupid, really.

Today it started from literally nothing. I put on a hooded sweatshirt that I hadn't worn in quite some time. I was expecting to be swimming in it. I wasn't. I'm sure it was bigger on me than I was giving myself credit for. But, it was still a suitable fit for public, so I wore it to school. I don't know why I thought it would be 18 sizes too big for me. While my jeans are loose, it is not like I have magically jumped down a couple sizes.

I'm sure that it is my incessant need for instant gratification that steered me astray today. You see, I am an only child, accustomed to getting my way. Right now the thing that would be "my way" would be for me to look as fit and healthy as I am feeling. Right now, my outsides don't match my insides. That is frustrating. My habits and actions are those of fit, healthy, slim person. In my mind I walk a little taller. I feel a lot better. In my mind I see a healthier and prettier version of me. My reality is a body where I still can't clasp my hands when I try to hold my knees to my chest. My reality is that I can't sit my butt back when I do child's pose. My reality is that I can't cross my legs above the ankle, not comfortably or attractively at least. My reality is that my spare tire inhibits me from gracefully standing from a sitting position.

My back was sore today too. This is the first time that has been the case since I started this endeavor. I have occasional lower back issues. These are GREATLY reduced when I am fit. I'm sure core strength has EVERYTHING to do with that. It doesn't take a whole lot for me to go from a sore back to full on spasms that make me want to throw up. I have a high pain tolerance (physical, not emotional) so I pay careful attention when my back sends me signals. I almost had myself talked out of working out. Almost. Between my funky mood and my twingey back, I seriously contemplated it. Then, I reminded myself of something. These are the days that it is the MOST important to workout. If I can conquer these type of days, all the other days will be a cake walk. Minus the cake. So, I did. And after the T25 video I had to have the little chat with myself again to do the Hip Hop Abs video. But, I did it. I sweated. I huffed. I puffed. I worked out even though 25 times today I had myself convinced that it is doing me no good what-so-ever. I made myself a healthy dinner. I am giving you the straight-up honest version of my day. I will read my Bible and pray about it tonight, emphasis on an attitude change for tomorrow. That is how I am dealing with the fact that there was absolutely no sunshine or roses in my life today.

P.S. In other news... Look for Hot Yoga post later this week. I can't promise that it will be as entertaining as the pole-dancing class was from a year+ back, but it should be good none-the-less.

P.P.S. I take it all back. My best friend just text me with a picture that her daughter (my honorary niece) drew of me today. Just made my day. How could you not smile at this??? For those of you that don't know what I look like, this is surprisingly accurate!!