Redemption

re-demp-tion: the act, process, or an instance of redeeming
re-deem-ing: serving to offset or compensate for a defect

I feel like I am on a road to redemption. I am in a process of redeeming myself from the damage that I did. I made a rather large defect that needs to be offset, I have a lot of compensating I've done and still need to do. I am trying to get myself back to me. I think I am currently in the act, going through the process, and having a succession of instances that are striving towards me being a better me. I literally let myself go. Such a horrible sounding thing, but that is exactly what happened. I wasn't happy with where I was in life and I decided to eat my way out of it. Did it work you ask?? Of course not. Did it compound matters? Absolutely. And you have to understand what an insult to myself this is/was. This is the second time in my life that I have gone through this. I lost 160 lbs in a previous life and managed to gain nearly all of it back before I hit my breaking point this time. To lose that amount of weight and gain it back to spite myself is something to marvel. It's not what I would call an accomplishment, but it is something that needs redeeming. I like to think that I am going to have a shiny new wrapper on myself that glows with self-confidence and beams with optimism once I reach the end of redemption road. No, I am not glowing yet, but I am a heck of a lot closer than I was. I would like to think that some things in life will be easier without all this weight. And, as it turns out, some things are already getting easier. But, it doesn't automatically solve all problems. As it turns out you have to approach each problem on it's own. But that realization didn't happen for me until I got a good ways down this road... The second time. My road is paved with workouts, an active lifestyle, and good, solid nutrition. I take one step at a time down my road. I work my way through my workouts, I take one step at a time when I climb my mountains, I worry one meal at a time about my nutrition. The road to redemption is constant, but becoming more automatic, which is nice. Maybe someday I won't have to over think it at all, someday, once redeemed, maybe it will just be my normal. I do know that I don't want to do this a third time. I do however, always feel like I am always one bad decision, one naughty meal away from being the 300+ lb me again. A fear I would like to rid myself of. But when you repeat an insult this bad, it's hard not to harbor some doubts about yourself. I don't want to continually have to save myself from me. Once I have reached the end of this road again, I would like for it to be my last time. This redemption road probably qualifies as a road less travelled, but I seem to be trucking down it a lot. You guys will be the first to know when I have achieved my redemption (and hopefully my goals in the process).

P.S. In other news... We have reached over 2,000 page views... Thanks for reading!!!