Low rise pants, popcorn, and lead feet.

1. I feel like low-rise pants are the most ridiculous thing out there meant to be as silly as gangsters wearing their pants around their knees. If I wanted to see early twenty something butt cracks seventy five times a day I would go to the beach. If I wanted my butt crack seen by the masses I would streak a college football game. I need something less silly to worry about besides doing a VERY unattractive dance to pull up my britches all day long. I'm not saying we all need to go back to wearing "mom" jeans, but isn't there a happy medium (rise).

2. I resent my calorie counter this week. Which is dumb. It's inanimate and only tells me what I tell it. It means no harm. It's honest, does it's job, never complains. I should probably give it a raise.

3. I have been super busy this week. I have been super restless this week. Like get in the car and not stop driving until I hit a border or an ocean and then make a turn and drive some more. I blame the full moon.

4. I really want to get my nails done. And my toes done. I need to feel girly for a minute instead of dirty... Or sweaty... Or dirty.

5. Whoever invented popcorn... Wait, whoever discovered popcorn, something a great pioneer accomplished, I would like to meet them and shake their hand (maybe kiss their feet) in my next life. After them, I'm moving onto the guy that first made beef jerky. And once I'm done thanking that dude I'm hitting up the brave soul that first dived into a beehive and brought out honey. They all deserve a little recognition.

6. I love my new workout shoes. They are light and comfy. They are funky and fun colors. They do make working out a little more fun.

7. It's Easter this weekend. Another food holiday. Wink, wink. I am excited not only for the real reason for this holiday but also for the resulting pig I'm going to consume. Ham is in my top ten list of favorite dinners.  It's a good gathering food, and we will be gathering.

8. My Ninja rocks. It gets my day going by blending my banana/hemp/almond milk confection. It pulses, it chops, it dices, it does my laundry, it throws Chinese stars, it has a black belt, it's going to make hummus this weekend. Not all of my previous statements are true.

9. I'm fighting off my feelings of restlessness for the weekend by keeping myself busy with spring projects... Rearranging my bedroom... Spring yard clean-up... Burn pile... Contemplating painting the workout room, but what color?? Wish me luck and lead feet to keep me anchored.

I was FAAAAAT!

Have you ever seen the movie 'In and Out'? It has Joan Cusack in it. She is nothing short of a hysterical, hold your sides, totally ridiculous kind of funny. The gist of her role is as the fiance of a teacher that gets outed by a former student accepting an Oscar on national television. They live in a small, rural community not yet exposed to something as "big city" as being gay. She lost a ton of weight for their wedding that ends up not happening at the alter because her fiance turns out to actually be gay. My favorite scene is towards the end of the movie. She is sitting in the middle of the street in her wedding dress pitching a world class fit. The former student finds her and asks what happened to her, referring to her being skinny, not referring to the obvious like how she ended up in the middle of the street in a wedding dress. She squawks, as only Joan Cusack could... "Well, I was FAAAAAAT". She sobs on about how she lost the weight for the wedding by rocking a Richard Simmons fitness program, but the one line that always sticks with me is the FAAAAT one.

Yesterday I had a fat day. It's so weird when it happens. Even though I'm losing weight, getting fitter, really working my nutrition, sometimes I feel like I still weigh 307lbs. It's bizarre. Almost like an out of body thing. My limbs feel heavy, my gut feels ginormous and in the way, basically I feel FAAAAAT! I don't know why those days happen. I always feel like the fat chic in the room to some degree, but the "fat days" are different. I don't do anything about them other than try not to eat my way through them. They haven't stopped me from working towards my goals... so far. Maybe I have days like that to remind me that I'm not quite there yet and I need to keep pushing. I don't know if I'll ever see myself as thin or fit, but even if my vision is blurred, I'm not gonna stop trying. I've come way to far to stop now. Fat day aside, I will not always be a fat chic. One day I will just be a Funny Chic.

Cold showers, not just for teenage boys anymore...

I read a lot. Always have. When I'm on a kick I read about what's kickin. So, for obvious reasons I have been reading a lot of weight loss oriented stuff. I have subscribed to several newsletters (shocking), bought several books (even more shocking), and do my fair share of GOOGLE searches (God bless the Internet). This next little tidbit came across from a newsletter run by a certified (for what it's worth) nutritionist and professional physical fitness trainer. WARNING... My next statement will lead to Google-ing. Apparently, NASA figured out that you can lose weight by taking cold showers. Or more specifically, alternating hot for 10 seconds and cold for 20 seconds for a total of 5 minutes. Now, I have an innate fear of being cold, so this approach doesn't really appeal to me. Like, I will do whatever it takes, wear whatever it takes, and huddle where ever I need to to stay warm. My shower knows no other setting other than all the way on hot and for as long as my hot water heater will hold out. But, according to the space cadets, messing with your thermo-regulation will accelerate weight loss, and by a pretty good percentage, something like 30% more fat loss if taking cold showers. I'm not a proponent of quick fixes, they are usually expensive, don't last, and aren't all that good for you. And I am speaking of all the fad diets, pill fixes, and anything that basically doesn't involve hard work and self control. But, I honestly can't come up with a downside of trying this other than getting cold, which like I said, is not my cup of tea. I liken it to magnet therapy, it may or may not do anything but it darn sure isn't going to hurt ya and may only cause slight and short-lived discomfort. So, who knows, maybe the guys over at NASA are onto something... Maybe there is a cold shower conspiracy... Maybe I should start reading about something else. I guess the moral of today's story is go have a cold one!!

Insanity: Week 4

I walked a little taller this week. Is it possible Insanity is improving my posture??? I think it may be improving my attitude. This was the end if month 1. I now have what they call a recovery week before starting month 2. You still workout, but I'm not sure what it's going to entail. Somehow I instinctively know Shaun T will find a way to make me sweat anyways. I'm excited and a little afraid of what month 2 will bring. I feel like the real work is about to ensue. As a reward for finishing the first month I did a little retail therapy. I scored a pair of size ten jeans that are what I want to comfortably wear by the end if this next month. I can get them on, but again, I don't feel they are fit for pubic viewing. By the way, I am happily rocking my 11's now, the real jean 11's, no lycra here! I also bought some funky fun workout shoes because everyone should feel funky and fun while working out. Plus, a couple pairs of workout pants WITH drawstring waists to avoid the embarrassing pants around the ankles scene that had become routine during my workouts. I polished off my "treat myself" weekend by taking the dogs for a long hike on Sunday. So, all in all a pretty good weekend after working hard all week. I feel like I completed my workouts proficiently and that I was keeping up for the most part with the people in the video. I'm still not sore at all which leads me to believe I should enjoy that feeling for a few more days before month 2 starts.  I picked out two women in the video I would like to look like. They aren't what I would describe as super skinny, but they are super fit and athletic looking. That's what I would like to be. If I don't get into my size 6 jeans that's ok (a bit of a waste, but ok), but I want to look fit, athletic, and healthy. Last time I was so skinny I ate next to nothing and ran 8+ miles a day and worked out on the other end of the day. I was exhausted all the time and thought of nothing else but staying skinny. I was miserable and obviously didn't maintain it. This time, I feel good, no, I feel great, I feel like I am building some manageable maintenance tools, and I've reached a place where I'm not miserable. Am I 24/7 happy, heck no, who is??, but I'm not killing myself to obtain my goals, I'm just working towards them, consistently.

Insanity: Week 4 Results

Weight: 178.0 (down 2.4 lbs)
Measurements: Not until the end
Motivation: Good! I'm looking forward to my recovery week and am excited to see what my results will be in the final month. I really want to measure myself, but I'm letting the anticipation keep driving me forward.
Strength Factor: Very good! I feel right as rain right now. I believe this might be the calm before the storm. I may feel like a pile if wet noodles after month 2 starts, only time will tell!

It's good to have goals.

My newest and most current goal is to not have to worry about sucking in my stomach all the time. I think, think, it's getting flatter, but I know it still has what looks like a deflated tire hanging off of it, so, here is me, sucking in my stomach. Now, this isn't the best example of a healthy, motivating goal, but what can I say, not every thought I have is a pure as the driven snow. Despite the off-handedness of my current goal, my heart is in the right place. It is good to have goals. They give you something to strive for. I have many... MANY... goals. Everything from my weight, to pants size, to number of burpees I can do in a minute (thanks to Insanity's Fit test, that ridiculous move is now a motivational goal in my life, who knew?), to emotional goals, and professional ones... the list goes on. What I am beating around the bush about is that if you don't set a destination in mind you won't be as driven as if you are just going through the motions for no apparent reason. Just doing your workouts so that you can say you did them isn't quite enough. I know, as if getting it done wasn't hard enough, now you have to try. I was feeling VERY lead footed the other night and I had to dig a little deeper to push myself through the workout and really get after it. When I was done, I was darn glad I did. I was flopping around, realized my stomach was flopping with me and I got my hiney in gear. See, my goal of not having a flopping stomach came in handy, just when I needed it. So, over the weekend I challenge all of you readers to set yourself some goals. Don't put unrealistic time lines on them, that is where goals get dangerous, when we make them unattainable, but do set some. Give yourself something to work towards. And when you reach them, REJOICE, CELEBRATE, TREAT YOURSELF TO SOME SKINNY JEANS AND CUTE SHOES. Ok, that's what I'm gonna do, what are you gonna do??

The Biggest Loser

Yesterday someone asked me if I saw the finale of The Biggest Loser. I hadn't, I don't watch the show. I have my reasons, and lucky you, you are about to get to hear them. It's gonna be my two cents worth, it's actually gonna be more like a buck fifty, but it's probably only worth two cents. Remember about slapping me if I get too self-righteous yesterday... That may become reality today.

First, I don't like reality tv. It's not worth me taking the time to watch tv for that kind of drivel. Biggest Loser is probably at the better end of all those shows, but I still feel like it is staged to large degree and just not worth me riding the couch to watch.

Secondly, I'm a little bitter that they have personal trainers and nutritionist that take all the thinking and planning it takes to lose weight out of the equation for them. Granted, they have to stand in their underwear and get weighed on national television, but I'd give anything for a nutritionist and personal trainer to make my journey a little smoother.

Third thing, I feel sorry for them because they have a personal trainer and nutritionist. Oh, the contradiction. A large percentage of these people go home and gain their weight back. My theory is that they take them out of their everyday environment, the place where they live "fat" lives, and they get them results in a foreign land filled with support teams, and send them back home without changing their "fat" place. They may learn that broccoli is better than a big mac, but they don't learn to change their everyday normal. They are basically at summer camp and then have to go back to reality. If you don't struggle through your day to day some and learn to handle your new habits in the same life you are bound to fail. There are triggers all over my life and in my home that make me want to overeat, but I've learned to manage them. Had I lost weight somewhere else and come back home, without all the professional support system that the contestants have become accustomed to, I promise I would gain it back too.

I don't want diminish what these people accomplish. Any major weightless requires blood, sweat, and tears. What they do and achieve is very commendable. I feel like the show sets them up for failure. There is so much more to losing weight than just cutting calories and exercising. At home is where your weight loss quest is won or lost, where you are accountable to yourself, not millions of viewers. Lying to yourself is easy, really easy, and the slope is slippery enough to slide right down. When there are no cameras or an audience to witness your back slide, it becomes pretty easy to do just that, back slide. Also, I feel like Jillian Michaels is evil, mean, and a poor motivator, just sayin. If I'm gonna watch a weight loss show I think it would be Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition. He lives with them for the first part and gets them started and set up, builds them a home gym, stocks their fridge and then leaves them. He monitors them, comes for their weigh-ins and is available at the drop of a hat if they need him, but they have to do the work in their "fat" environment and change it to their "fit and healthy" environment. That's a better deal in my mind. So, kudos to the contestants of The Biggest Loser, and I truly hope they can keep it off, I'm just not gonna watch it.

Feel Free to Slap Me Silly

I saw one of those cartoon/saying/statement thingies on Facebook the other day that said "No one wants to hear about your workout unless you fell off the treadmill". I laughed. I LOL'd. I had myself a good chuckle. But then I got to thinking, "Am I turning into that person??". I know all of you that read this are reading because you want to, there is no proverbial gun being held to your heads. You can switch me off any time you want to. But in my everyday life, I sure hope I'm not turning into that person that incessantly talks about their workouts and their diet, etc. I think I try not to, but if you catch me on the street and I am dripping with self-righteousness and tales of how many one arm push-ups and burpees I did that day and all you asked me was "Hey, how's it going??", feel free to slap me right back into reality. I won't hit back, I promise.

Insanity: Week 3

Every two to three weeks during Insanity you do a fit test. It's the same test every time and it takes about 25 minutes to do. I had my second fit test at the beginning of week three. I thought for sure it wasn't going to go well because I had taken that sick week off. I figured at the very least I was going to stay the same. I was wrong!! A couple of moves I almost doubled, everything increased except one move which I did the exact same number of. I was SHOCKED. You could have knocked me down with a feather, you know, if you could find a bird big enough to produce a feather that can knock down a 180+ lb chic. But seriously, in two short weeks I did more reps than when I started. That is kinda awesome and a testament to this workout. As I went through the week I also discovered that I actually look forward to my workouts. A feeling I hadn't genuinely had in awhile. I really like Shaun T. I know he is saying the same thing over and over to me because I am just repeating videos, but he is encouraging and knows how to motivate you to keep pushing and doing more, to not just ease your way through Insanity. I also walk away from my workouts feeling like I did something, feeling accomplished, feeling good about myself. In my mind, I'm like, "I just did THAT, I rocked that b*#@h!". Feeling good about yourself ain't nothing, just sayin. Whether it's true or not I feel some changes happening in my body and I think I see some too. I know the killer warm-up isn't killing me so much now and my recovery rate is getting faster. Yeah! Happy lungs and heart!! There isn't a single crunch in this workout and yet, I feel like my core is getting stronger. This is good stuff. So, my report for Week 3 is a definite two thumbs up... Yo.

Insanity: Week 3
Weight: 180.4 (down 6 lbs)
Measurements: Not until the end.
Motivation: I am good to go right now, feeling great, feeling confident, ready for week four.
I also comfortably wore my 11's this weekend. Cute jeans are motivation enough for me!
Strength Factor: I'm not sore at all right now, which is nice, but also leads me to believe I need to push a little harder this week.

Revelation

This is a short one today... Yesterday I had an EXTREMELY trying day on the personal front. I won't bore you with the details, but it was the kind of day that normally I would have gone home and downed two boxes of mac 'n cheese, drank 4 diet pops, ransacked the house for as much peanut butter as I could find and topped it all off with a healthy dose of popcorn slathered in butter and taco seasoning. Maybe washed that down with a couple beers or a glass or two of wine. But last night, I didn't think of eating my feelings one time. It was even the night that my shows are on and it was finally a new episode of Grey's. And, we all know that I have popcorn on the night I watch my shows. I had started the day by working out before work so I would have plenty of time to get all my stuff done in the evening in time to see all of Grey's. The day just went to shit (sorry, no other word for it) after that. So, by the time I sat down with my perfectly popped popcorn, I didn't even finish the bowl. I don't think I totally realized it until I saw it sitting on the counter this morning. So, while this post may sound a little dreary, I am more than encouraged. I may have actually broken a bad habit, eating my way through emotional distress. If that is true, and remains to be true, holy cow, what a revelation that is!!!

5 Reasons Why I shouldn't Go To The Gym

Some of this will be review. You have had some smidgens and tidbits as to why public workout facilities are not conducive to the entity which is Funny Fat Chic. I have had some instances at home that have further confirmed it is just better for everyone if I workout alone, in the confines of my own home, away from all other forms of life.

1. Sometimes my pants fall off. I am shaped weird. There are no two ways about it. The maternal side of my family basically have no hind ends unless we are morbidly obese. Essentially, the legs run straight into the back, no butts about it. Some of my workout clothes are getting a little loose (thank goodness). The combination results in me being in the middle of an intense set of jumping jacks with my yoga pants around my ankles. If I was at a gym, others would be exposed to things that they do not want to be exposed to.

2. I'm an ugly sweater. Not like what you where at Christmas, but one of those people that actually have buckets of fluid vacate their body during a workout, or a warm day, or a lengthy traffic light... it takes nothing for me to break a sweat. I turn an incredible shade of red and fluid is pouring out of me like a fire hose. I gushed so much sweat the other day that when I went down for a burpee I slipped in my own puddle of DNA and crashed to the floor, hard. If I were at a gym I believe it would pose a hazard to others, as in I would need to carry my own "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign.

3. I drink a lot of water, I pee a lot. Sorry, but the two go hand in hand. I aim for a gallon a day, sometimes I hit the mark, sometimes I don't. Yesterday, I was working out to Insanity, a relatively intense scenario, you are focused and moving hard, I nearly peed my pants. Let's just say there is a lot of jumping, there was cross legged, peepee dance-ish hit of the pause button, and a sprint to the bathroom. If I was at a gym, the bathroom could have been farther away, I could have peed my pants in front of people.

4. I am NOT coordinated. Like not at all. LIKE NOT AT ALL. So, me flopping around doing my thing is probably not visually stimulating or aesthetically pleasing to anyone, especially other gym goers.

5. I don't do public showers. That is all.

Redemption

re-demp-tion: the act, process, or an instance of redeeming
re-deem-ing: serving to offset or compensate for a defect

I feel like I am on a road to redemption. I am in a process of redeeming myself from the damage that I did. I made a rather large defect that needs to be offset, I have a lot of compensating I've done and still need to do. I am trying to get myself back to me. I think I am currently in the act, going through the process, and having a succession of instances that are striving towards me being a better me. I literally let myself go. Such a horrible sounding thing, but that is exactly what happened. I wasn't happy with where I was in life and I decided to eat my way out of it. Did it work you ask?? Of course not. Did it compound matters? Absolutely. And you have to understand what an insult to myself this is/was. This is the second time in my life that I have gone through this. I lost 160 lbs in a previous life and managed to gain nearly all of it back before I hit my breaking point this time. To lose that amount of weight and gain it back to spite myself is something to marvel. It's not what I would call an accomplishment, but it is something that needs redeeming. I like to think that I am going to have a shiny new wrapper on myself that glows with self-confidence and beams with optimism once I reach the end of redemption road. No, I am not glowing yet, but I am a heck of a lot closer than I was. I would like to think that some things in life will be easier without all this weight. And, as it turns out, some things are already getting easier. But, it doesn't automatically solve all problems. As it turns out you have to approach each problem on it's own. But that realization didn't happen for me until I got a good ways down this road... The second time. My road is paved with workouts, an active lifestyle, and good, solid nutrition. I take one step at a time down my road. I work my way through my workouts, I take one step at a time when I climb my mountains, I worry one meal at a time about my nutrition. The road to redemption is constant, but becoming more automatic, which is nice. Maybe someday I won't have to over think it at all, someday, once redeemed, maybe it will just be my normal. I do know that I don't want to do this a third time. I do however, always feel like I am always one bad decision, one naughty meal away from being the 300+ lb me again. A fear I would like to rid myself of. But when you repeat an insult this bad, it's hard not to harbor some doubts about yourself. I don't want to continually have to save myself from me. Once I have reached the end of this road again, I would like for it to be my last time. This redemption road probably qualifies as a road less travelled, but I seem to be trucking down it a lot. You guys will be the first to know when I have achieved my redemption (and hopefully my goals in the process).

P.S. In other news... We have reached over 2,000 page views... Thanks for reading!!!

Insanity Week 2- For reals yo

I rocked my workouts this week, as in I did them all to the very best of my abilities. I didn't skip, postpone, or put off any to make up later. I put in my time with Shaun T, and you know what, I kinda liked it. I can't believe how much more I enjoyed my workouts not being sick. I had no idea I had myself that wore down. I actually pushed myself this week and it felt good. My last workout of the week I even talked my bestie I was visiting into doing it with me. She has been doing another challenging beach body workout and I felt better about myself because she broke a sweat too. It was fun working out with her, we laughed when had uncoordinated moments and even chuckled at Shaun T's slightly dorky personality that shines through when talks about himself in the third person or says things like "that was bananas, yo!". I rewarded my efforts this week with a long hike Sunday morning. It was great to get some sunshine on my skin and some fresh air in my lungs. So, all in all I would call Week 2 a great success!

Insanity Week 2 Stats:

Weight: 186.4 (up 0.6 lbs... Don't ask me why, but I'm not too concerned, I'm the fluctuating queen, but see my frustration!!!)
Measurements: Not until the end.
Motivation: High as a kite, I am feeling really good about this workout, it's ability to challenge me, and where I'm heading with it.
Strength: I feel good, really good. I didn't get nearly a sore as I thought I would (thank goodness), but definitely felt my workouts. I'm ready for Week 3 and what it has in store for me!

A bit 'o randomness...

1) I miss lifting weights. Insanity only uses your body weight for resistance. I didn't realize how much I liked lifting something. Don't get me wrong, I am getting a good workout in, sweat, blood, tears and all. I just miss lifting.

2) I am super excited to go see some of my best friends this weekend. When we lived in the same town we would always have Sunday (sometimes Saturday) dinner. We used it as an excuse to get caught up in case we didn't see much of each other that week and of course to eat super tasty food. So, now its more like once a month that we accomplish this task. I'm gonna get to drink a little whiskey and enjoy some relaxing time on their amazing property, and eat a great meal. It's good stuff.

3) I have not eaten any popcorn this week. Someday I should see a psychiatrists about the popcorn thing. What does that mean? Am I mentally good this week? Did I just burn myself out on popcorn last week? Am I hording the last of my supply because I forgot to buy more at the grocery store? Inquiring minds want to know.

4) The sun has shone for 3 days now. God bless it. It is a total game changer for me. I feel like I could conquer the world when the sun shines. I want to go ride instead of feeling obligated to, I want to go hike, and hike, and hike, I want to start doing yard work... Sorta.

5) I am getting close to fitting into "real pants" 11's. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me. I can get them on just fine, I just feel they aren't fit for public yet, but close. I should really be focused on getting down to jeans that aren't double digits. But for some reason these 11's have me in a dither.

6) I took a leap of faith yesterday and bought a lens with my tax return that I need to start taking pictures at horse shows and start trying to make a little money at the photography thing. It was a rather large purchase for my meager budget. It made me nervous to spend that much and nervous because I am going to start charging for something that I have just been doing for fun. Nervous. So, to get over my nerves I bought myself a few new pretty shirts last night. I've decided that its not crazy that I spent more money to get over spending money, at least I didn't eat my feelings... Better, right?

7) I have been good this week. Towing the line, beating back the girl that wants to eat a bag of Reese's Eggs with a large stick, counting my calories, eating good stuff, doing my workouts (I even did one at 5 this am 'cause I'll be driving tonight), drinking my water, etc. I feel like I can give myself a pat on the back. I don't imagine I will fall too far off the wagon this weekend, maybe just spend a little time jogging beside it. So, here is a collective pat on the back for myself. I earned it this week regardless of what the scale tells me on Monday. GO ME!!!

8) I have three wiener dogs... How's that for random??

I wonder why...

I wonder why I eat so fast? I see other people eat. They go at it at a leisurely pace. Take in every bite one... at... a... time. They savor. They don't worry through their meal. They don't wonder if they are being judged for eating. They don't act like someone is about cut them off from their food. Me, I eat like every meal is my last. Sometimes if I'm by myself (often) I don't even bother to use a plate. I just eat outta the pan over the stove. I eat like someone that has been deprived of food. One look at me and that is clearly not the case. I eat like I'm late for something. And, honestly, a lot of times I am. But that still is no reason to rush eating. It keeps me from thinking, "gosh, I'm full", because I'm focused on getting as much down in as little of time as possible. I'm in a perpetual pie eating contest minus the pie. I eat like I am doing something shameful and I need to hurry and get it done. Everyone needs to eat, where is the shame in that? I have changed my eating habits in a lot of ways and am more conscious of what I put in my body. I just haven't changed the mechanism of how I get my food down me. I shouldn't feel shame anymore. But its there lurking around the corner. I love good food, food bursting with flavor. I feel like I am doing it an injustice by inhaling it when I eat. I wonder if the speed eating is linked to the fact that a portion of my diet is liquid. Maybe whole, real food is a treat. But wouldn't a normal person want to enjoy a treat. I think it's tied to the fact that I still need to make the "food is fuel" conversion. But enjoying cooking and making great meals aren't totally conducive to that mentality. Maybe this will fall somewhere under my 80/20 theory of being perfect 80% of the time and perfectly human 20% of the time. Who knows?? So, part of my weight loss project is to slooooow down a few notches and enjoy eating, recognize fullness, and do justice by my taste buds.

Shock and awe, shock and awe.

I went on a little road trip this past weekend. As you read from yesterday, I took the week off from working out which can lead to one feeling a little like a pile of mushy flab wrapped inside a popped can of biscuits... not an attractive feeling. But, I was feeling better, so I just had to deal with the mush/biscuit scenario. I was at a ranch rodeo and horse sale, a big ta-do for that area. While I was there I flirted with a guy. I, Funny Fat Chic, flirted... With a real live, breathing, guy. You have to understand that I don't do that all that often. And for a guy to make the effort to come over and flirt with me is basically non-existent, or at least it has been for quite some time and 120lbs ago. Needless to say, I was in some uncharted territory. I have never been the girl that can play coy, or has those magical mind game powers over men. I generally come off as being "one of the guys", and that's fine, I'm not a girly girl, but I do clean up nice and its not so bad that I get mistaken for being lesbian or anything (no offense if you are), or an actual guy. Anyways, this guy did make the effort, he came over and introduced himself, we had a great interaction and then it was over. It was fun, and an ego boost when I needed one. He doesn't know that and he doesn't need to. But my observation from the exchange is that someone finding you attractive is quite the high. I'm sure pretty people become immune to it like any given drug, you have to have higher quantities to keep getting that feeling. But for me, someone that doesn't have that happen on a daily basis, it was quite nice. I learned that flirting was fun, doesn't have to lead to anything, and can put an extra spring in your step.

Insanity Week 2: The do-over

So, I made a command decision last week. It was after I had almost every person that sees me on a daily basis tell me I looked awful, and after I finally admitted that I felt awful, and after I realized I was trying to do too many things and not doing any of them well. I took the week off from working out. Smart people will tell you that you shouldn't work out when you are sick. I'm sure there is a good reasons. Three things happened...
1) I went to bed no later than 9 each night until I went on my trip this weekend. I got sleep, like actual, real live sleep. I no longer feel like a zombie.
2) I felt horribly guilty. I have a sense of responsibility to not just myself, but to all the people that have been cheering me on along the way, and to you guys, my readers. I felt like I was letting all of us down. But, I still feel it was the right thing to do. I knew that a weight gain was probably in the cards for this week (it takes nothing for me to gain) and when I have an actual number to back up my astounding ability to beat myself up, its not good. But I was making no headway working out while I was so ill and I was going to start hating it if I kept going the way I was. I don't want to hate it.
3) I got better. I am still ever so slightly snotty, but I am not sick anymore. I enjoyed my weekend, I feel like I am rested and ready for the upcoming week. I am caught up on stuff, I am a little less stressed, I feel good.

Moral of the story... Maybe once in awhile it's ok to stop and take a break and not worry every second about how much we are eating, how much we are working out, how to balance calories in and calories out. Sometimes, we might need a physical and mental break to keep from losing our grip on the end result. So, my week 2 is a do-over. I'm sorry to everyone for not following through last week, but I do think it was the right thing to do.

Insanity Week 2 Stats:
Weight: 185.8 lbs. (up 1.8 lbs)
Measurements: Not until the end
Motivation: Back on track and ready to kick this thing in the tail
Strength: Leaps and bounds over last Monday, but cringing at the thought of how sore I am gonna be this week. Here goes nothin...!!!

P.S. I ate at The Griddle and it was fabulous. That is all.

The Griddle

I'm about to encompass everything that is still wrong with my attitude towards food. I will probably never be able to view food as just fuel. I can part of the time, the routine times, the day to day times, I can believe it's fuel and view it strictly for its nutritional value. Short of an emotional blow-up I can do that. At least until the weekend. I am a social creature and many events/outings revolve around food. I also like to cook for people. I've been told I'm kinda good at it. It's and inherited trait. I like food that taste good. Excuse me, I love food that tastes good. So, weekends I have my love affair with food and pass it off as socializing... So sue me. This particular coming weekend I am going to a hole in the wall town in Nevada. The special thing about this town is not the event that it hosts, although it is rip snortin good time. It's not the history that goes along with town and the area. No, the important thing about this town is that it houses the BEST breakfast place I have ever eaten at. Like I can't even think about The Griddle without slobbering a little. They only do breakfast, so by golly they do it right.  They have this machine that they dump a box of oranges into the top and it spits out the most heavenly orange juice that has ever crossed my lips. Their omelets I'm sure are made with no less than a half-dozen eggs a piece. The corn beef hash could possibly be my future husband, I love it that much. Their toast even tastes better for some unknown reason. It's like a phenomenon of some kind, the place is an enigma. So, I'm gonna go have breakfast at The Griddle, probably twice. I'm gonna love every minute of it. I'm gonna try not to feel bad about it afterwards, it's a special treat, and everyone deserves a treat now and again.