White Girls Can't Jump!

So, I'm not like basketball height or anything. I'm not a midget either. I mean 5'6" is pretty average. But one would think I would have better hops than I do. I know height doesn't have everything to do with it. I was just hoping that I could explode a little higher than I can. When I jump, landing softly is not an option. I hit the ground and it sounds like a T-Rex is doing a jumping jack in my spare bedroom. Except my arms are actually proportionate to my body. They repeatedly say "land softly" in my videos. I mock them with each jump. I may have to change rooms soon because I feel like I am compromising the integrity of the sub floor in this one. I can't jump, not like a real jump anyways. This should come as no surprise to me. I have never been light of foot. You want to really see something... You should see me dance. It's a cross between a dry heave and a drunken Billy Ray Cyrus. Not pretty. And it's too bad 'cause I kinda like to dance. It's just nobody likes to dance with me. I really can't blame them. People don't generally risk injury for a good time. So, my other realization, which isn't a far cry from my first one, is this, I am not fast footed either. I think I might me marginally faster than I was before. But, my feet don't needle up and down like sewing machine, they more like pound up and down like a dying jack hammer. Which makes me see my high school softball nickname in a whole new light... "Hammill the Hammer". Here I was thinking it was because I could hit home runs. I would like to be fast of foot. I would like to land softly and move quickly. I would like to release my inner jungle cat. I think I keep up with the videos, but they look a lot better doing it. Maybe I can blame it on my shoes. You know, like all my shoes 'cause I seem to move the same in all of them. Damn shoes anyways for keeping from my WNBA hoop dreams.