Happy Anniversary!!

What, wait a minute, hold the phone... It's Monday, isn't there supposed to be an Insanity update??? So, here is the thing. I had a lot of quote/unquote "life" happen last week that took priority over me taking time for myself each day. It happens, it happens to everyone. What that meant is that not only did I take a break from my calorie counter, but I took a break from Insanity as well. So shoot me. I was also exhausted last week, and if this endeavour has taught me anything it is to listen to my body, and my body needed a little rest. So, that's what it got, sort of. It was still a crazy busy week, hence why you didn't hear much from me here. I am back fully to it this am and will get my program finished and on to the next one... and the next one... and the next one...

Why the Happy Anniversary you ask?? Well, on Saturday the 20th it has been exactly a year since I began this quest to get thin, get fit, and get better all over. I have been struggling, fighting, and losing for a year. Quite possibly another reason why I needed a break last week. You ever push so hard at something for so long that you get burnt out?? I felt a little burnt out last week. Most people start their weight loss goals with 20-30 pounds to lose, it takes a couple months and then they transition into their new maintenance habits/lifestyle. I have had to be in full on weight loss mode for a year. Last week I was tired of thinking about. Tired of worrying about it. Just plain old tired. So, I didn't think about it, I didn't worry about it. I just was. I didn't eat terrible by any means, as a matter of fact, I probably didn't eat any different with the exception of the two times I went out to dinner over the weekend with friends. I did drink a little which is out of my current norm, but all in all I really wasn't bad per se. I snacked a little more yesterday than I should have. I did not weigh in this morning, I weighed last Monday, so I felt like this am was the end of my week off. I am going to do a 5 day juice cleanse to get the "uggg, I drank on Saturday and ate a steak one night" feeling out of system. After that I will be back at my calorie counter. I am still going to do Insanity this week. I have two weeks left of that and I need to finish, it's important to finish your goals. After that I get to measure which is exciting/depressing/good news/bad news all rolled into one. I will see how far I have come but also how far I have to go. And I do still have some to go. People are VERY supportive of me right now and continue to tell me how good I look, but I feel like they are comparing me to the old me, and not to what a normal person should look like. I still have some jiggle in my wiggle. As a matter of fact, until I get to my goal, I am going to call these the Jiggly Days. I am officially out of the Morbidly Obese Days and even out of the Obese Days, but I am not yet in the Beautiful Happy Fit Days. I am in weight loss limbo. A purgatory of sorts. And, seriously, who wants to stay in purgatory?

I don't want you to think that I am diminishing what I have done so far. I have lost 132 pounds in a year. I have lost an average sized woman in a year. I have lost most of what is holding me back in a year. That is a big deal. It's just that the thrill is a little lost on me right now. The last bit has been coming off so slowly that I feel as though I have been hitting my head against every wall for a few months now. I have also amped up my fitness level dramatically in the past year. All done through sweat and movement. I haven't taken any pills or "supplements", I have wrapped myself with anything (although I am tempted), I haven't done anything but change my nutrition and exercise programs. I truly believe that there lies the means for me to keep the weight off. But, the few snacky days that I had in the last week and my propensity to emotionally or stress eat make me a little scared. I could feel myself slipping a little, hence the cleanse and regroup this week. Slipping happens on a slippery slope and I don't want to backslide. No way, no how. You have to try to be aware. I am aware and I am changing course before things get out of hand. But it is disappointing that I haven't beat that part of my personality back with a big enough stick to have gotten rid of it. So, yes, I am celebrating the anniversary, but I am working hard to stay focused and reach my goals. I have set a date for myself, because I feel like I need a deadline. June 30th I have a wedding to attend and two months seems like a reasonable amount of time for me to get rid of 15-20 pounds. Bring on summer, bring on the new me, bring on Glorious Maintenace Days.