Self-loathing

Whoa. Stop the bus. Let me off. I had a horribly self-sabotaging evening. Why? I have no friggin idea.
Have I gotten too many compliments lately and I feel the need cause myself drama?
Did I feel a little off today and decide to ride that wave all the way into the evening?
Has the back and forth guy jerked my chain again?
Did I gain 0.4 lbs that probably mean nothing but have me upset that I can't even have a recovery week or Easter dinner without gaining?
Am I getting close to a goal and feel the need to challenge myself?
Did my evening plans get set back by working late and cause me to pout my way through the rest of the evening?
Did some of my family issues rear their ugly head yesterday because it was a holiday?
Did I buy a body fat caliber and use it to find out I'm almost 30% fat and let that depressing fact allow me to stuff my face?
Has all my inner demon wrestling made me hungry?
Well, I think the answer is a resounding YES to all of the above. But did I want to talk about it, nope, I wanted to eat about it. So, now what? Sit and stress about my double order of salad (with trimmings) and the sesame snap snacks and homemade hummus and the fact that I didn't workout and that I know all of it was for the wrong reasons. There goes my weekend day off. Nothing I ate was "bad" food, but it was too much, waaaay too much. Why do these set back days happen? I was kinda hoping I was past them. It's like I'm blindsided when it happens. Bam! Out of no where. Yesterday (Sunday) I was hiking and being excited about starting my final month of Insanity. Today (Monday) I've gained weight, let a guy and members of my family get in my head, and allowed a plastic claw with numbers wipe out my self-esteem. What's worse, I'm super conscience of these days now. It's not like I'm blindly eating or lightly blowing off a workout, no, I'm well aware of what I'm doing, how it makes me feel both physically and psychologically, both amount to "I feel like poop on a stick". So, I'm gonna go to bed, get my act together, blow off what I did and didn't accomplish this evening (none of it good), and make a fresh start tomorrow. Sigh. Pffffft. Two thumbs down.