I went to visit my bestest friends this weekend and while up at their place I had several Ah-Ha moments and one Holy S#!t moment, pardon my language but there is truly no other way to put it. An Ah-Ha moment by my definition is when you suddenly have an awakening realization that settles something in your mind that has previously been unsettled. Let's start with those moments.
1) If you are a pretty person, you get noticed. This is not a snide or vindictive observation, I promise. I just realized that I notice pretty people, women or men, and I mention them. Like, "Did you see how pretty so-and-so was!!". The people I was with do the same thing. I'm sure that other people do it too. I also noticed that those exceptionally pretty people were alone a lot, like they were unapproachable or something. Just an observation.
2) This Ah-Ha moment was forced upon me. I still see myself as a fatty and feel like I need to in order to stay motivated to finish losing the weight. Whether that statement is true is up for debate. But, as we were standing in the bar my friend said this to me... "I'm gonna put this in perspective for you, you are skinnier than 75% of the people here, look around you." Now, as it turns out she was right, she basically always is. I would still like to narrow that percentage a little more, but it does make sense to be moderately happy with were I am currently at, a healthy "normal" weight range/size.
3) There are people in your lives that are "your" people. These people treat you the same no matter where you are in your life. Happy/sad, wealthy/poor, fat/thin. They don't care, they don't see that stuff in you, they just love you and treat you the same no matter what. My friends I saw this weekend are those people. I think I have only recently Ah-Ha'd this because I have noticed other people treating me differently now, not these people though, these are my people. Thank you Rodney Atkins and baby Jesus.
And now for the Holy S#!t moment...
I saw a picture of myself that I didn't even realize was in existence. I avoid cameras like they are stealing my soul every time someone points on at me, I am part Indian you know. Always have, most likely always will. This picture was from a girl's weekend about a year and a half ago. I was at my max weight. I picked the picture out of the drawer and immediately recognized the other girls in the picture and actually wondered who the big girl in the middle was and then BAMMM!!! I realized it was me. I didn't recognize myself, that is a crazy, crazy weird feeling. It was surreal even. I literally dwarfed the other women in the picture. They looked like mini-people compared to the person standing next to them. I knew I was fat when I started this, but I did not realize what that picture showed me. I'm not sure how I was even functioning in that state of being. So, I realized that I don't EVER want to be that person in that picture again. The person that was trying to hide under many layers of clothing. The person whose face was so round that it was unrecognizable. The person that could barely manage a smile because she was so embarrassed and mortified of herself. That person that didn't know what to do so she just ate her way through everything. I don't ever want to be that person again, EVER. I tried to take the picture with me when I left so that I had it to motivate myself to the end but "my people" wouldn't let me. They said there is no point in looking back unless you are seeing how far you have come, since I had done that already there was no reason to dwell on that picture. Again, they were right, they pretty much always are. Those are "my people".
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