I had a weak moment... Or two.

I came really close to doing something that goes against all the methods and hard work I have used to lose weight. Strange things happen when you get close to your goal. With weight loss the closer you get to your goal, the harder (or slower) it is to achieve. As a result you get a little (or a lot) desperate to get there. You start to think of quick fixes that would get you where you want to be in instant gratification style. You'll do anything to get to that goal weight/size/body. Enter the ridiculous junk mail. 

I received a flyer for green coffee extract pills, you know, the latest and greatest diet fad. They are being peddled by the infamous, multi-billion dollar, I don't even know if he's a real doctor, Dr. Oz. They claim to drop 5lbs every three days and you can still eat a bunch of crap and never get off of your couch. It's a weight loss miracle!! And for $104 you can get a 4 month supply. They had tons of skinny chic pictures that claimed they were 90lbs heavier 7 hours ago. Yeah, sure, right, show me your stretch marks and then we'll talk. It all sounded too good to be true, which leads me to believe it probably is. And even if it does work it's probably not sustainable. And I can do a lot with a hundred bucks. But the real reason I didn't order them was you guys. I could not figure out how to justify to my audience how I was gonna make the jump from fitness & healthy eating to pill popping. There is no justification other than lack of patience on my part. So, there you have it. You guys have helped me stay true to my program and my health. So you may not be "doctors" like Dr. Oz, but you have aided in me making the right decision.

My other weak moment was the body wraps that you see everywhere. I passed on those too, I think they may just be high dollar saran wrap. I am striving for those single digits and in the mean time I am going to try and appreciate my body for all the things it can do (like burpees!!!) and not for its current appearance.

My new obsession...

I was all in a dither over getting into my size 12 jeans, remember. Now, my 11's require a belt. I have decided that happiness will be single digits. I'm getting closer, but things (when I say "things" I mean my nasty-ass fat) are coming off slowly. I hadn't weighed in a couple weeks because I hadn't been happy with my workout progress and was worried I'd gained. My delicate psyche wasn't in the mood to see an increased number on the scale so I just didn't weigh myself. But, I didn't feel like my clothes were getting tighter or anything and starting yesterday I was vowing to try harder to squeeze in my new workout regime. So, I weighed in. Over the last two weeks I accidentally lost two pounds. I was pleasantly surprised. The only thing that I can attribute it to is that I make healthy choices on auto pilot now. I really was not making an obsessive attempt at losing weight, and yet it happened anyways. It wasn't the 5 or 6 lbs I would like to lose over 2 weeks time, but I'll take it. I have 33 days before attending a wedding and I have 4 pairs of very cute size 9 jeans calling my name. I'm going to put forth a little more effort and see what happens. I am 12 to 17 lbs away from "goal" weight. So, here goes nothin. Wish me luck!!

Things that used to be hard aren't so hard now.

I'm gonna revisit the Ah-Ha moments for a minute. I keep having mini versions of them these days. For instance...

I have this yard, this ridiculously large yard, that I mow with a push mower. Takes two hours no matter what you do. That task used to zap me, that would count as exercise. Now, I don't even crack a sweat.

I'm not as crazy fast as the MMA fighters in my video, but I get a little faster everyday. Things get a little easier to do each week, like one legged burpees with a knee strike!

I don't feel pain with every movement I make and I have a crazy range of motion compared to the old me.

I also was never as strong as I thought I was. I was just throwing my weight around, literally. Things that used to be heavy to carry aren't so heavy anymore.

Mirrors aren't as painful as they once were. As a matter of fact I can look in one and not hate myself. That's kinda a big deal. I'm not perfectly happy with what I see either, but I don't run screaming to the fridge every time I look in one either.

My reflexes are faster. I can catch stuff I drop before it hits the ground. I may or may not be becoming a super hero.

It's just crazy to wake up one day and discover you aren't arguing all day with your body. I can't even imagine what I will feel like if I get these last 15-20 lbs off. Look out world, I could be on my to invincible.

Slumps, funks, and ruts

Here is a little something I do to myself on a regular basis. I put too much pressure on myself to the point where I have no choice but to fail and/or possibly sabotage myself into a tailspin. I know I'm not alone in this quandary. I think it comes with being a Type-A control freak that thinks they can do EVERYTHING. And, when I/we don't get our way, have outside influences ruin our plans, etc, I basically throw a fit that ends in failure of some kind. Which, once thrown leads to a session of "why did I do that??".  But here is the thing, it's ok to not be able to do it all all of the time. I'm not saying to stop trying. Not at all. But maybe find something that will fit your schedule, will maintain your level of fitness, and doesn't make you feel like you aren't getting it done. The past couple weeks I have been hit and miss on my TapOut XT2. Life and the spring/summer "busy" have taken over. But I'm getting it in when I can. On days I don't I make sure and get in my squat/crunch/push-up challenge. It doesn't take an obscene amount of time and I at least feel like I did something. I also try to keep my eating in check. Watch my portions, don't eat junk, and recognize emotional eating. I may not be dropping pounds like crazy right now, I may not be in my perfect body I'm striving for, but I feel good, I don't hate myself, and I know I'm not doing nothing. If you are in a slump, it's ok to take a little break, find something a little different to do in the mean time that does fit where your life is at, and by all means DO NOT beat yourself up or give up. You deserve the benefits of fitness as much as the next person, don't let life or anyone take that away from you. Unslump, defunk, steer outta that rut... And drink lots of water, I hear it's good for ya.

Relaxing

I'm trying to relax. Pause for all of you readers that personally know me to absorb that statement. I'm not trying to relax in the sense that I am doing less. That would be silly non-sense. I'm just trying to relax my calorie obsession and my panic if I don't get worked out. I have transitioned into a mini-workout in the morning and a regular workout at night. My night ones have been hit and miss the past two weeks due to my work schedule and a new "project" I have taken on. But, I am trying to be ok with that. It's an effort at least. But I am slowly realizing the beating myself up over it is A) Not going to change the fact that I didn't get it done, B) Not going to add anymore hours to my day, and C) Is going to lead me down a self-destructive path. So, I'm trying to relax a little. Here's me with my feet up and a cool drink in my hand. Ha!

Ah-Ha Moments

I went to visit my bestest friends this weekend and while up at their place I had several Ah-Ha moments and one Holy S#!t moment, pardon my language but there is truly no other way to put it. An Ah-Ha moment by my definition is when you suddenly have an awakening realization that settles something in your mind that has previously been unsettled. Let's start with those moments.

1) If you are a pretty person, you get noticed. This is not a snide or vindictive observation, I promise. I just realized that I notice pretty people, women or men, and I mention them. Like, "Did you see how pretty so-and-so was!!". The people I was with do the same thing. I'm sure that other people do it too. I also noticed that those exceptionally pretty people were alone a lot, like they were unapproachable or something. Just an observation.

2) This Ah-Ha moment was forced upon me. I still see myself as a fatty and feel like I need to in order to stay motivated to finish losing the weight. Whether that statement is true is up for debate. But, as we were standing in the bar my friend said this to me... "I'm gonna put this in perspective for you, you are skinnier than 75% of the people here, look around you." Now, as it turns out she was right, she basically always is. I would still like to narrow that percentage a little more, but it does make sense to be moderately happy with were I am currently at, a healthy "normal" weight range/size.

3) There are people in your lives that are "your" people. These people treat you the same no matter where you are in your life. Happy/sad, wealthy/poor, fat/thin. They don't care, they don't see that stuff in you, they just love you and treat you the same no matter what. My friends I saw this weekend are those people. I think I have only recently Ah-Ha'd this because I have noticed other people treating me differently now, not these people though, these are my people. Thank you Rodney Atkins and baby Jesus.

And now for the Holy S#!t moment...

I saw a picture of myself that I didn't even realize was in existence. I avoid cameras like they are stealing my soul every time someone points on at me, I am part Indian you know. Always have, most likely always will. This picture was from a girl's weekend about a year and a half ago. I was at my max weight. I picked the picture out of the drawer and immediately recognized the other girls in the picture and actually wondered who the big girl in the middle was and then BAMMM!!! I realized it was me. I didn't recognize myself, that is a crazy, crazy weird feeling. It was surreal even. I literally dwarfed the other women in the picture. They looked like mini-people compared to the person standing next to them. I knew I was fat when I started this, but I did not realize what that picture showed me. I'm not sure how I was even functioning in that state of being. So, I realized that I don't EVER want to be that person in that picture again. The person that was trying to hide under many layers of clothing. The person whose face was so round that it was unrecognizable. The person that could barely manage a smile because she was so embarrassed and mortified of herself. That person that didn't know what to do so she just ate her way through everything. I don't ever want to be that person again, EVER. I tried to take the picture with me when I left so that I had it to motivate myself to the end but "my people" wouldn't let me. They said there is no point in looking back unless you are seeing how far you have come, since I had done that already there was no reason to dwell on that picture. Again, they were right, they pretty much always are. Those are "my people".

Say my name.

So, here is a little bit of a weird deal. When I was fat, not the mediocre, half hearted fat I am now, but the kind of fat that looked like I was trying... Anyways, when I was fat, people addressed me by my name and hardly ever touched me. Now that I am more socially acceptable looking people call me "honey", "babe", "sweetie", stuff like that and often times they are touching my arm, or have their arm around my now visible waist, or something equally awkward. See, I'm not really a toucher in general. I have a wide berth on my personal space. That hasn't changed with my change in appearance. But now that I am thinner people tend to ignore my "don't you dare burst my bubble" dirty look. They also don't believe I have a given name. I no longer possess my given identity. Now, mind you, I do understand that people are just being nice, which is the reason I don't slap their hands or call them by the pet names that I would like to use. But, it is a social phenomenon I have recently been noticing. A fat person gone skinny is about the same as a plucky pregnant lady, fair game for public affections, desired or not.

Insanity Check-out, TapOutXT2 Check-in

I have officially completed Insanity. What I can say is, WOW, what a program. It will get you in better shape, no doubt about it. I don't think my results were as extreme as some of the infomercial results, but I didn't go into with no fitness what-so-ever. I think the biggest change that I saw was in my cardiovascular endurance. This deal will put some air in your lungs, no doubt about it. Here are my beginning and ending measurements... I will spare you the gory photographs.

February 18th

Arms:          Left  14.5 inches     Right 14.25 inches
Thighs         Left  25.5 inches     Right 25.5 inches
Calves        Left  16.5 inches     Right  16 inches
Chest          39 inches
Waist          38.5 inches
Hips            42.25 inches
Size 12 jeans
Weight 187.8 pounds

May 6th

Arms          Left  13.25 inches     Right 13 inches   Loss: 2.5 inches
Thighs        Left  24.25 inches     Right  24 inches   Loss: 2.75 inches
Calves        Left  16.5 inches       Right  15.75 inches Loss: 0.25 inches (I'm gonna say my calves didn't change too much... :) )
Chest         38.5 inches  Loss: 0.5 inches (honestly, my chest is the last thing I wanted to lose, if you know me, you know why... I DO NOT have one)
Waist         37 inches    Loss: 1.5 inches
Hips           41 inches    Loss: 1.25
Size 11 jeans with a belt to keep them from sagging. That's right, I said it, I've been wearing a belt.
Weight       174.6 pounds   Loss: 13.2 pounds

Total Loss: 8.75 inches  13.2 pounds and I lost my weak lungs, my meager beating heart, and my belief that I could no longer do a "boy" push up.

I started TapOutXT2 last night. It's gonna be a good one. Check-ins to follow...