Almost there...

Something cool happened this morning. I could get into my next 1st pair of cute jeans. Let's define "get into". I got them on and buttoned and zipped with a little bit of shimmying, but nothing drastic. But, and this is the important part, they were tight enough that they made my middle spare tire bulge out more than it already does. They would have been uncomfortable to sit in. So, I passed on them for this weekend's trip out of town. With some hard work I bet they will be just right in a few weeks. I hung them over a door in my workout room as motivation. 

Speaking of motivation, I ran short on it this morning. It was doubles today and I didn't make it all the way through the second workout. I don't do well with first thing in the morning workouts. I run out of steam. Which doesn't make sense. I just woke up, I should be rested and ready to go. I have been in a perpetual state of soreness all week as well, I'm sure from starting a new round of T25. I'm not sweating this failure. My form was getting really bad and I'm sure I was setting myself up to hurt myself. So, I'm gonna take my workout and a half and my almost fitting jeans and go have myself a good weekend. I hope you do too!!!

I'm NOT a scientist!

I hope that any and all advice that you might glean from me on this blog is taken with a HUGE grain of salt... and tequila... and a wedge of lemon... or lime. I am not an expert in anything. I am not a nutritionist. I am just a person that has gained and lost a lot of weight in their life and apparently feels that need to talk about it.

Having said that lovely disclaimer, I tried a little experiment that last couple of weeks.

When you are on the weight loss/quest for healthiness path, you tend to gravitate towards reading all sorts of health/fitness/nutrition articles. There is an endless supply of them. You can find an article to justify just about any kind of diet plan, any kind of fitness plan, any kind of supplement, any kind of anything. It's up to your gut (get it?) or more commonly known as common sense to decipher through the mess. And what works for you might not work for someone else. We are all individuals, bottom line. But, I've gotten a little off track.

Raise your hand if you like asparagus. My hand shot right up! It is hands-down one of my favorite vegetables. I could eat it every day. Except for one tiny detail. It makes my pee stink. If this is a topic that bothers you, I would stop reading here. Come back another day. Today is stinky pee day. The effect is almost instantaneous! Asparagus is coming into season around here so I have several bundles of spears in the fridge. My favorite way to have them is baked asparagus fries, but for the sake of time, I usually just roast them in the oven while I'm out doing chores or something. This asparagus pee phenomenon had me perplexed. So, like any red-blooded, curious American, I Googled it. It has something to do with the sulfurous amino acid breakdown and it is activated within 15 minutes of consumption. But, here is the kicker. Only 25% of people have the ability to smell it. All people pee stinky afterwards but not everyone knows they are committing such a foul act. God Bless my sensitive sniffer. My Google search lead to other foods that affect the smell of bodily fluids. Pineapple for instance has a sweetening effect. It makes everything smell great. Three times over the past two weeks I have had asparagus for dinner and then I ate some fresh cut pineapple for dessert. Guess what?!?!?!?!? You are never gonna guess what. I'll just tell you. They cancel each other out!!! Yep, the pineapple neutralizes the asparagus. I have not found an article to support this theory for a couple of reasons. Mainly, I don't have the time to search stuff forever. Secondly, there may not be a pressing need for this type of research. So, consider this the latest test case in nutrition weirdo facts. If you don't want asparagus pee your options are to A) Not eat asparagus, or B) Back up your asparagus consumption with some delightful pineapple. Best of both worlds!!

I apologize for being a little gross. But there are some things I can't keep to myself.

You'll never guess...

Guess what happened to day!?!?!?

You'll never guess what happened today.

But really, guess what happened today?!?!?!?

Oh, geez, you'll never guess what happened, I'll just tell you.

Remember a month or more ago when I went to the Buckle for the first time. I bought a shirt there, not the one the sales girl wanted me to buy, but one that I could afford and thought was pretty and secretly hoped would fit me when I got home. It didn't. In case you didn't know, that is a fat kid thing. We don't try on clothes in a store. Or at least I don't. There is nothing like a public display of your self-esteem deflating when something doesn't fit. So, at the Buckle I bought the biggest size they have (XL) and rolled on. I tried it on at home a couple weeks later, it didn't fit. It was too tight in the arms and wouldn't fall flat over my gut. It is a pretty open front cardigan that is my favorite color of coral and has lace panels. It's girly and covers my butt, so of course I love it.

Well, today, it fit JUST RIGHT!! I want you all to be aware that this is the first article of clothing that I have worn in long time that doesn't have a number in front of the X. Not even a 1. There is a definite difference between a 1XL and an XL. A sick, twisted, mind effing difference. So, I totally know that sizes run differently in every brand. I know that it was an open front shirt. I know that it probably isn't a huge deal. But it is a HUGE deal to me!!! I needed a little sign of progress. At least in the clothing department. My pants are big, but I am still wearing the same ones. My shirts are big, but I am still wearing the same ones. I just needed a little gauge to tell me that I was winning the war somewhere on my body besides in my bra. My chest cannot get any smaller without me having a minor (by minor, I mean major) meltdown.

Speaking of the war, it is a full on battle with Shaun T right now. This Gamma round kicks ass, and kicks my ass! I love, love, love the weights he has incorporated. Tonia threw me a bone the last two days and modified, although I didn't need her very often. That Speed 3.0 where she went all out was brutal. The burpees are in full force in every video. My goal is to be able to keep my legs together when I come back up to the standing position. Right now they still spread when I try to get vertical. The only way to fix that is to keep doing them. My other really weak point is my triceps. I'm not certain that I have any. I definitely don't have ones that can support my body weight for more than 3 reps. I'm glad that this round has shown me some things to work on and strive for. Keeping my workout fresh is what brings me back to do it the next day. I'm gonna keep on keeping on until there isn't an X in front of my L.

Uh-oh

Soooooo, yesterday was a rough day for the Hot Yoga community. Apparently the dude that started hot yoga (Bikram Choudhury, 69) has a few not-so-awesome sexual assault lawsuits pending against him. I feel like him and Bill Cosby might be holed up somewhere in L.A. swapping stories over a pair of overpriced green tea lattes. If you are interested in reading one of the many articles out there, here is a link...

http://newsfeed.gawker.com/bikram-yoga-falling-apart-under-sexual-assault-claims-a-1687553308

Now, I am a huge proponent of being educated about things that I participate in, things I put in my body, and things that I put on my body. I already knew that the 26 pose series that is the foundation of hot yoga was founded by Bikram Choudhury. I already knew he was kinda an arrogant prick, as many self-made people can be. But, in order to sell people on something as crazy as doing yoga in a 104 degree, humid room, you are going to need to exude a pretty high level of self-confidence. I have no idea if there is any merit to the accusations, but I would guess that something inappropriate happened for this ball to get rolling. Plus, let's look at a few pictures of the dude... Tell me that the word "CREEPY" doesn't come to mind.


This is the picture that you of Bikram Choudhury at almost every hot yoga studio. It is the final pose of the 26 series and it was taken back in the day when Bikram either possessed all of his own hair or wore a rug with extremely strong glue.




This is Bikram now.



This is another more recent picture of Bikram donning one of the famous black speedos that dudes are so very partial to when they do hot yoga.




My conclusions are this... Just because this guy has been accused and maybe even did some very naughty, and morally wrong things, doesn't mean that hot yoga is bad. I would be willing to guess that there will be a trend of people dropping the Bikram portion of their name from their yoga studios. And, rightfully so. People will jump ship on supporting and promoting him, but hot yoga will persevere because I have personally experienced the fact that there is most certainly benefits to it. Beach Body (especially Tony Horton's) programs involve yoga quite often. As a matter of fact, here is a link to Tony's daily 20 minute routine...

http://www.beachbody.com/beachbodyblog/fitness/yoga-and-pilates/tony-hortons-daily-yoga-routine?code=SOCIAL_BB_BLOG&linkId=12525920

Flexibility is an important component of your fitness. Yoga is an effective way to achieve it. So, I am not abandoning it. I am also not going to sign up to go to Bikram's yoga teacher school. I am also going to have a hard time burning the above images out of my brain any time soon. Bald and a bun does not inspire confidence in me, it is more of disturbing distraction.

The Hangover

I don't want the title to this post to mislead you into thinking that I married a stripper in Vegas, or woke up with a tattoo on my face, or met John Goodman over the weekend. This post will actually be a lot more boring than that. The title is my cheap attempt at getting you to read my posts. Call it false advertising. Or a graceful misrepresentation if you are feeling charitable.

My hangover falls squarely under the "I ate too much" over the weekend category. Either I am getting old, or I don't have my body trained for that kind of consumption right now, or I just plain old done myself wrong. My BFF's birthday was on Saturday and we hosted a shindig to celebrate her being awesome and our being lucky enough to have her in our lives. We (my BFF and I) have a thing for tacos. Basically tacos of ANY kind. So, of course, it was a taco party. I cooked for a good portion of the day which basically can be equated to all day grazing. There is spoon licking, taste testing, and bowl licking. Then, I went ahead and ate dinner with everyone as well. I kept it to two tacos and I tried to avoid the super naughty stuff. But it is possible that I consumed my weight in guacamole. I LOVE all things avocado. Especially guacamole. I topped off all the food with a few beers to keep with the party spirit.

Fast forward to the next two days. I felt (still kinda feel) like crap. There is no other poetic way to put it. It's not the same as an alcohol hangover by any means. I could raise my head above my chest without a pounding headache. I could tolerate loud noises. I just felt icky inside. Just goes to show you that there is more than one way to make yourself sick. At the time, I thought I was doing ok, but if I really add up what I consumed, I'm sure I over did it. I hate that I have to be so careful. There was a time I could have knocked out a fiesta, pounded more than my fair share of tacos, and been ready to have them again for breakfast. This is horse $#I%. Just sayin. I have drank a TON of water to make up for it yesterday and today, I started T25 Gamma, and I did yoga at home. I do feel a little better tonight. I have another big weekend next weekend that involves Basque food, a horse sale, breakfast at The Griddle (a place best experienced, not described), and the greatest bloody mary's on the planet. So, I'm gonna have to guess that I am gonna feel like crap after next weekend too. I truly thought I was moderating, but I better give it a little better effort next weekend. Apparently clean eating does have a downside, you have no tolerance for dirty eating. I am just assuming the opposite of clean eating is dirty.

The feeling like crap is not deterring the fact that I really, really want popcorn. RIGHT NOW. I haven't had it in months. For those of you new to the blog, I have a popcorn addiction. I could eat it for dinner every night of the week and twice on Sundays. There is none in the house and I have already removed my bra for the day, so hopefully this craving passes by the time I presentable again tomorrow.

On a T25 note... I started Gamma round today. The first workout was Speed 3.0. I was NOT fully prepared for this workout. First of all, Tonia is not modifying at all. And she is a machine! A super freak! Holy cow!! I could have sworn that this video was on fast-forward. There was a lot of burpee related moves and I am not at a point where I can SNAP back up from the floor as fast as those crazy fit super freaks were able to. I missed some reps of stuff and I was pretty maxed out by the last round. If this is what Gamma has to offer, I may be in a little bit of trouble.

Yoga at home was ok. I purchased a CD that gives you the same basic script that they do in the studio. Plus, no mirrors. Minus, I can't get my house as hot as the studio. Plus, less insecurities about what people are thinking about me. Minus, no one to hold me accountable in my postures. I did feel my spine loosen up which was great because I hadn't been to yoga since Tuesday last week. At home was not perfect, but I am guessing it is better than nothing. And my current schedule was not gonna allow for me to drive my happy butt all the way to Boise and back. I did purchase more classes for yoga. I have every intention of continuing to go to the studio when I can squeeze it in. I am getting more and more convinced that there are some major benefits to this yoga thing. That, and I still wanna look like a gazelle.

A list...

I love that you guys are responding to posts and questions that I ask! Thank you for being engaged!!! Not engaged to me, but involved in the blog. I'm never gettin engaged, it's written in stone somewhere. I also have friends sending me awesome little pick-me-up sayings, motivational memes, and great information! For instance, I got tagged in the following picture today. I loved it, it is a good gut check. Let's go through it and see how I am doing...

#1 Consistency. We talked a little about this yesterday. I am definitely being consistent right now. I'm a machine. But it is the maintenance consistency I struggle with. I'm sure I won't have to worry about that for another 3 years at the rate I am losing. But it is a bridge I am going to have to cross a looooong way down this road. 

#2 Keep track. Yep, fail. Epic fail. I'm not measuring and I'm not weighing. Since this is an honesty zone, I'll tell you why. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid the numbers are going to be so high it will depress me and I will quit. I don't want to know the number. I know it is too high; for now, that's all I need to know. 

#3 Strengthen Your Core. T25 is all about the core. It's worked into every workout and several workouts are core only. Although my heart rate elevates enough that I think Shaun T is sneaking in cardio on me too. I'm just guessing, but I bet yoga is also addressing my core. Just a guess. I thought the back pain thing was interesting. I would say that my core still needs a significant amount of work. I still can't do boy push-ups, that has always been my core gut check in the past. Not there yet, not even close. I'm knees down all the way right now. 

#4 Lift Weights. I 💛💛💛 resistance training. Lifting weights is my reward for doing cardio. There is lots of body weight resistance in T25 plus I have started adding on a little more from my Big Book of Exercises. Check, and check. I love the definition that comes from weight training. I am quite certain that under all my flab I am VERY well defined. 

#5 Don't Compare Yourself To Other People. Boy, this is getting to be a lot like beating a dead horse. Focus on progress and not on comparing yourself to the gazelle floating through yoga class. Maybe she has to take Zoloft to be happy, who knows. Maybe she has a terrible car insurance rate. Maybe she has 7 toes on her left foot. None of those are problems I have, I'm just chubby. 

#6 Get a Work Out Buddy. I'm wishy washy on this one. My schedule is weird. Everyone these days is busy. I pair up with Mom at yoga. I get some of the girls to tag along sometimes. I actually like working out alone, I stay accountable (so far) and I push myself. So, let's just say  riding the fence on this one. 

#7 Practice Yoga. Done and done. I am getting it in my schedule as much as I possibly can. I am seeing a difference in my flexibility. My strength and weight loss are to be determined. My "centered-ness" is variable from day to day. What can I say, I am a fly in a lampshade. 

#8 Follow a Well Rounded Routine. I'm letting Beach Body and Shaun T figure this part out for me. They know what they are doing. And, I'm feeling very round, so they must be good at their job. Read that last line with just a hint of sarcasm. 

#9 Be Patient. Epic fail. I have none. I want this weight gone yesterday. No, I want it gone a month ago. Scratch that, I want it gone 20 years ago. I guess we found one I really need to work on. 

#10 Just Get Moving. Well, I'm a movin and a shakin and a jiggling and a wiggling. Done and done. 

I'll resist my urge to grade myself on how I am doing on this list. But, I would at least say I am trying on about 80% of these which is better than a poke in the nose. 

On an unrelated note, I have given up Subway for Lent. I have basically given up everything else naughty in the food department, so, this is what was left. I decided that giving up Subway would A) eliminate the last little bit of bread left in my life and, B) it would keep me accountable for eating a clean lunch the two days a week I have school. No more convenience eating. They also have some new hires at the Subway I go to and they have been effing up my sandwiches, so what better time to give up a vice. 

One more unrelated note. I crossed my legs while sitting today. Mind you it was a very comfortable, laid back chair and I had to do a touch of contorting to make it happen, but that is progress compared to last week. Whether that is a testament to my increasing flexibility or a decrease in the size of my thighs, I am not sure, but I'll take it. Again, it is better than a pole in the nose. 

Compression Pants

Ok, so what gives?? I am seeing compression pants everywhere. For sale, on people, athletes on TV wear them, on the floor in the yoga locker room, everywhere. Of course I notice them on the floor at yoga because that is the only place I can look when I am in a locker room. What do they do?? Is there any chance that they will "compress" the rest of the weight off of me? Because if so, by golly I'll go buy some. They appear to be all the rage and are potentially going to replace yoga pants in the trendy world. So, I'm just curious what makes them so awesome. You know, before I go invest $45+ dollars on them. Will I feel tighter in them? 'Cause I will do anything to feel less jiggly right now. I noticed this morning that my sides jiggle when I'm putting on deodorant. I can't even catch a break when I'm putting on deodorant. Sheesh. Which will mean I have to buy a compression shirt too. Do they even makes those? Or is that what Spanx are? I have those. I hate those. I asked my BFF what compression pants are for, she said "athletes." I asked if I was athlete enough to wear them. After a pregnant pause she replied a very sketchy, "Oh, yeah." That's what I love about my BFF, she maintains the appropriate amount of sarcasm in her tone so that even when she is lying to me, I still get the message.

Sitting on the floor in yoga last night I wished I could just slice off everything that resided outside of my arms. It is just a pile of flub surrounding me, I just want it gone. Needless to say, I wasn't havin my best yoga night last night. It was my second day of no anti-inflammatories. I could feel it. It was the second set of each pose before I could get all the way into them. They say that though, you are gonna have good days and bad days in yoga. No two ways about it. And, bottom line, it probably is all in your head. My Canadian BFF (that's right, I'm an international sensation) made fun of me for mentioning that I was being competitive in yoga. She is not wrong for laughing at me. But I just can't help it. I hate to fail at anything. I equally hate to not be the best at anything. I know that just by going I am not failing. But that is the kind of thinking that led to keeping NO score in T-ball. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Sports keep score!!! So for me to have to admit that my back is limiting me, or that I can't actually do some of the poses KILLS ME!!! And irritates me. And makes me try harder. So, whatever motivates you, just roll with it.

Today... I banged out doubles for T25. What? But it's not Friday, Funny Fat Chic. Nope, sure isn't. But, I have a full work day on Friday and I am road tripping after work to go spend my (American) BFF's birthday with her. I refuse to get up at 4:30 AM just to get my workouts in. I gotta draw the line somewhere. So, doubles today and a single on Friday. I'm a planner like that. A weird, anal, neurotic planner. I killed my workouts today. Even though I wasn't feelin yoga last night, it must have done me some good because I felt much better today. I pushed, I sweated, and as Shaun T says, I nailed it. Boom.

Speaking of Shaun T, new podcast this week. He interviewed Chili from TLC. "Don't go chasing waterfalls." Holler back 1995!!! She talked about how she has maintained her weight. Consistency. Bottom line. Her eating is a lifestyle choice. It has its guilty pleasures, but consistency is key. Yo-yoing up and down isn't healthy for you according to Chili.... And a whole bunch of experts, actually. So, there is a new goal for me. To remain consistent after I reach my goals. Lifestyle. It is the biggest weight loss buzzword of this decade. But there just might be something to it. Consistent lifestyle. New mantra. She also spoke about comparing yourself to others and how that was a dangerous path to go down. Remember "Comparison is the thief of joy."???? Well, here it is again. She talked about how different her body type was to her sisters and how one of them could gracefully carry extra weight while the other couldn't. She talked about how you had to be true to your body, dress yourself to accentuate the good parts, not highlight the bad. Stuff like that. Stuff that should be a no brainer, I don't know about you guys, but I have to be reminded from time to time. I'm not saying that her celebrity status makes her an expert, but she is a woman, and one that has to look good more often than not because she is in the public eye (or at least was in 1995). So, I'm inclined to give her a listen. And I'm inclined to make myself a new Pandora station featuring, you guessed it, TLC.

Happy Hump Day!! Don't steal your own joy today. Or tomorrow. Drink your water. Bust your butt. Eat clean. That is all. Over and out.

P.S. If you have an opinion on compression pants or actually know what they are I would love to hear it. That is all for reals, not for fakes, this time.