Insanity: Week 3

Every two to three weeks during Insanity you do a fit test. It's the same test every time and it takes about 25 minutes to do. I had my second fit test at the beginning of week three. I thought for sure it wasn't going to go well because I had taken that sick week off. I figured at the very least I was going to stay the same. I was wrong!! A couple of moves I almost doubled, everything increased except one move which I did the exact same number of. I was SHOCKED. You could have knocked me down with a feather, you know, if you could find a bird big enough to produce a feather that can knock down a 180+ lb chic. But seriously, in two short weeks I did more reps than when I started. That is kinda awesome and a testament to this workout. As I went through the week I also discovered that I actually look forward to my workouts. A feeling I hadn't genuinely had in awhile. I really like Shaun T. I know he is saying the same thing over and over to me because I am just repeating videos, but he is encouraging and knows how to motivate you to keep pushing and doing more, to not just ease your way through Insanity. I also walk away from my workouts feeling like I did something, feeling accomplished, feeling good about myself. In my mind, I'm like, "I just did THAT, I rocked that b*#@h!". Feeling good about yourself ain't nothing, just sayin. Whether it's true or not I feel some changes happening in my body and I think I see some too. I know the killer warm-up isn't killing me so much now and my recovery rate is getting faster. Yeah! Happy lungs and heart!! There isn't a single crunch in this workout and yet, I feel like my core is getting stronger. This is good stuff. So, my report for Week 3 is a definite two thumbs up... Yo.

Insanity: Week 3
Weight: 180.4 (down 6 lbs)
Measurements: Not until the end.
Motivation: I am good to go right now, feeling great, feeling confident, ready for week four.
I also comfortably wore my 11's this weekend. Cute jeans are motivation enough for me!
Strength Factor: I'm not sore at all right now, which is nice, but also leads me to believe I need to push a little harder this week.

Revelation

This is a short one today... Yesterday I had an EXTREMELY trying day on the personal front. I won't bore you with the details, but it was the kind of day that normally I would have gone home and downed two boxes of mac 'n cheese, drank 4 diet pops, ransacked the house for as much peanut butter as I could find and topped it all off with a healthy dose of popcorn slathered in butter and taco seasoning. Maybe washed that down with a couple beers or a glass or two of wine. But last night, I didn't think of eating my feelings one time. It was even the night that my shows are on and it was finally a new episode of Grey's. And, we all know that I have popcorn on the night I watch my shows. I had started the day by working out before work so I would have plenty of time to get all my stuff done in the evening in time to see all of Grey's. The day just went to shit (sorry, no other word for it) after that. So, by the time I sat down with my perfectly popped popcorn, I didn't even finish the bowl. I don't think I totally realized it until I saw it sitting on the counter this morning. So, while this post may sound a little dreary, I am more than encouraged. I may have actually broken a bad habit, eating my way through emotional distress. If that is true, and remains to be true, holy cow, what a revelation that is!!!

5 Reasons Why I shouldn't Go To The Gym

Some of this will be review. You have had some smidgens and tidbits as to why public workout facilities are not conducive to the entity which is Funny Fat Chic. I have had some instances at home that have further confirmed it is just better for everyone if I workout alone, in the confines of my own home, away from all other forms of life.

1. Sometimes my pants fall off. I am shaped weird. There are no two ways about it. The maternal side of my family basically have no hind ends unless we are morbidly obese. Essentially, the legs run straight into the back, no butts about it. Some of my workout clothes are getting a little loose (thank goodness). The combination results in me being in the middle of an intense set of jumping jacks with my yoga pants around my ankles. If I was at a gym, others would be exposed to things that they do not want to be exposed to.

2. I'm an ugly sweater. Not like what you where at Christmas, but one of those people that actually have buckets of fluid vacate their body during a workout, or a warm day, or a lengthy traffic light... it takes nothing for me to break a sweat. I turn an incredible shade of red and fluid is pouring out of me like a fire hose. I gushed so much sweat the other day that when I went down for a burpee I slipped in my own puddle of DNA and crashed to the floor, hard. If I were at a gym I believe it would pose a hazard to others, as in I would need to carry my own "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign.

3. I drink a lot of water, I pee a lot. Sorry, but the two go hand in hand. I aim for a gallon a day, sometimes I hit the mark, sometimes I don't. Yesterday, I was working out to Insanity, a relatively intense scenario, you are focused and moving hard, I nearly peed my pants. Let's just say there is a lot of jumping, there was cross legged, peepee dance-ish hit of the pause button, and a sprint to the bathroom. If I was at a gym, the bathroom could have been farther away, I could have peed my pants in front of people.

4. I am NOT coordinated. Like not at all. LIKE NOT AT ALL. So, me flopping around doing my thing is probably not visually stimulating or aesthetically pleasing to anyone, especially other gym goers.

5. I don't do public showers. That is all.

Redemption

re-demp-tion: the act, process, or an instance of redeeming
re-deem-ing: serving to offset or compensate for a defect

I feel like I am on a road to redemption. I am in a process of redeeming myself from the damage that I did. I made a rather large defect that needs to be offset, I have a lot of compensating I've done and still need to do. I am trying to get myself back to me. I think I am currently in the act, going through the process, and having a succession of instances that are striving towards me being a better me. I literally let myself go. Such a horrible sounding thing, but that is exactly what happened. I wasn't happy with where I was in life and I decided to eat my way out of it. Did it work you ask?? Of course not. Did it compound matters? Absolutely. And you have to understand what an insult to myself this is/was. This is the second time in my life that I have gone through this. I lost 160 lbs in a previous life and managed to gain nearly all of it back before I hit my breaking point this time. To lose that amount of weight and gain it back to spite myself is something to marvel. It's not what I would call an accomplishment, but it is something that needs redeeming. I like to think that I am going to have a shiny new wrapper on myself that glows with self-confidence and beams with optimism once I reach the end of redemption road. No, I am not glowing yet, but I am a heck of a lot closer than I was. I would like to think that some things in life will be easier without all this weight. And, as it turns out, some things are already getting easier. But, it doesn't automatically solve all problems. As it turns out you have to approach each problem on it's own. But that realization didn't happen for me until I got a good ways down this road... The second time. My road is paved with workouts, an active lifestyle, and good, solid nutrition. I take one step at a time down my road. I work my way through my workouts, I take one step at a time when I climb my mountains, I worry one meal at a time about my nutrition. The road to redemption is constant, but becoming more automatic, which is nice. Maybe someday I won't have to over think it at all, someday, once redeemed, maybe it will just be my normal. I do know that I don't want to do this a third time. I do however, always feel like I am always one bad decision, one naughty meal away from being the 300+ lb me again. A fear I would like to rid myself of. But when you repeat an insult this bad, it's hard not to harbor some doubts about yourself. I don't want to continually have to save myself from me. Once I have reached the end of this road again, I would like for it to be my last time. This redemption road probably qualifies as a road less travelled, but I seem to be trucking down it a lot. You guys will be the first to know when I have achieved my redemption (and hopefully my goals in the process).

P.S. In other news... We have reached over 2,000 page views... Thanks for reading!!!

Insanity Week 2- For reals yo

I rocked my workouts this week, as in I did them all to the very best of my abilities. I didn't skip, postpone, or put off any to make up later. I put in my time with Shaun T, and you know what, I kinda liked it. I can't believe how much more I enjoyed my workouts not being sick. I had no idea I had myself that wore down. I actually pushed myself this week and it felt good. My last workout of the week I even talked my bestie I was visiting into doing it with me. She has been doing another challenging beach body workout and I felt better about myself because she broke a sweat too. It was fun working out with her, we laughed when had uncoordinated moments and even chuckled at Shaun T's slightly dorky personality that shines through when talks about himself in the third person or says things like "that was bananas, yo!". I rewarded my efforts this week with a long hike Sunday morning. It was great to get some sunshine on my skin and some fresh air in my lungs. So, all in all I would call Week 2 a great success!

Insanity Week 2 Stats:

Weight: 186.4 (up 0.6 lbs... Don't ask me why, but I'm not too concerned, I'm the fluctuating queen, but see my frustration!!!)
Measurements: Not until the end.
Motivation: High as a kite, I am feeling really good about this workout, it's ability to challenge me, and where I'm heading with it.
Strength: I feel good, really good. I didn't get nearly a sore as I thought I would (thank goodness), but definitely felt my workouts. I'm ready for Week 3 and what it has in store for me!

A bit 'o randomness...

1) I miss lifting weights. Insanity only uses your body weight for resistance. I didn't realize how much I liked lifting something. Don't get me wrong, I am getting a good workout in, sweat, blood, tears and all. I just miss lifting.

2) I am super excited to go see some of my best friends this weekend. When we lived in the same town we would always have Sunday (sometimes Saturday) dinner. We used it as an excuse to get caught up in case we didn't see much of each other that week and of course to eat super tasty food. So, now its more like once a month that we accomplish this task. I'm gonna get to drink a little whiskey and enjoy some relaxing time on their amazing property, and eat a great meal. It's good stuff.

3) I have not eaten any popcorn this week. Someday I should see a psychiatrists about the popcorn thing. What does that mean? Am I mentally good this week? Did I just burn myself out on popcorn last week? Am I hording the last of my supply because I forgot to buy more at the grocery store? Inquiring minds want to know.

4) The sun has shone for 3 days now. God bless it. It is a total game changer for me. I feel like I could conquer the world when the sun shines. I want to go ride instead of feeling obligated to, I want to go hike, and hike, and hike, I want to start doing yard work... Sorta.

5) I am getting close to fitting into "real pants" 11's. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me. I can get them on just fine, I just feel they aren't fit for public yet, but close. I should really be focused on getting down to jeans that aren't double digits. But for some reason these 11's have me in a dither.

6) I took a leap of faith yesterday and bought a lens with my tax return that I need to start taking pictures at horse shows and start trying to make a little money at the photography thing. It was a rather large purchase for my meager budget. It made me nervous to spend that much and nervous because I am going to start charging for something that I have just been doing for fun. Nervous. So, to get over my nerves I bought myself a few new pretty shirts last night. I've decided that its not crazy that I spent more money to get over spending money, at least I didn't eat my feelings... Better, right?

7) I have been good this week. Towing the line, beating back the girl that wants to eat a bag of Reese's Eggs with a large stick, counting my calories, eating good stuff, doing my workouts (I even did one at 5 this am 'cause I'll be driving tonight), drinking my water, etc. I feel like I can give myself a pat on the back. I don't imagine I will fall too far off the wagon this weekend, maybe just spend a little time jogging beside it. So, here is a collective pat on the back for myself. I earned it this week regardless of what the scale tells me on Monday. GO ME!!!

8) I have three wiener dogs... How's that for random??

I wonder why...

I wonder why I eat so fast? I see other people eat. They go at it at a leisurely pace. Take in every bite one... at... a... time. They savor. They don't worry through their meal. They don't wonder if they are being judged for eating. They don't act like someone is about cut them off from their food. Me, I eat like every meal is my last. Sometimes if I'm by myself (often) I don't even bother to use a plate. I just eat outta the pan over the stove. I eat like someone that has been deprived of food. One look at me and that is clearly not the case. I eat like I'm late for something. And, honestly, a lot of times I am. But that still is no reason to rush eating. It keeps me from thinking, "gosh, I'm full", because I'm focused on getting as much down in as little of time as possible. I'm in a perpetual pie eating contest minus the pie. I eat like I am doing something shameful and I need to hurry and get it done. Everyone needs to eat, where is the shame in that? I have changed my eating habits in a lot of ways and am more conscious of what I put in my body. I just haven't changed the mechanism of how I get my food down me. I shouldn't feel shame anymore. But its there lurking around the corner. I love good food, food bursting with flavor. I feel like I am doing it an injustice by inhaling it when I eat. I wonder if the speed eating is linked to the fact that a portion of my diet is liquid. Maybe whole, real food is a treat. But wouldn't a normal person want to enjoy a treat. I think it's tied to the fact that I still need to make the "food is fuel" conversion. But enjoying cooking and making great meals aren't totally conducive to that mentality. Maybe this will fall somewhere under my 80/20 theory of being perfect 80% of the time and perfectly human 20% of the time. Who knows?? So, part of my weight loss project is to slooooow down a few notches and enjoy eating, recognize fullness, and do justice by my taste buds.