Be where you are when you are there.

How's that for a confusing, slightly Confucius title??? This is going to be a little bit convoluted post and I will try to tie it into eating/exercising/and being a fat kid by the end, but bare with me in the mean time.

I have not only made some major life changes in the past year (year and a half), but I have also made some major life decisions, and have also had some major life thrown at me. As a result, if you know me, I some what resemble a chicken with her head cut off. I am basically chasing my tail every where I go. Normally, I would deal with this by eating, lots and lots of eating. And don't get me wrong, I still do my fair share. But, here is a little something I have been trying to do lately.... I have a pretty darn type-A personality. I like to be in control and I like for things to be perfect. So, giving something a half-hearted effort just isn't in my nature. It bothers me. Missing a deadline nearly kills me. Being out of commission because I am sick does nothing but fuel me with anger. So, right now I am working full-time, going back to school, riding/training two horses with others that need cared for at home, and moonlighting as a photographer. This is a lot for me. Some people may be able to breeze through with this schedule and not look back, but for me, it is a load. I find myself or at least my brain trying to be in all these places at the same time. As a result, I am not focused on what I am doing when I am doing it. I have crazy dreams about work where everything is falling apart, or I forgot to do something critical for a patient (I work at a horse hospital), or even worse, I dream that I get fired. Which in all honesty could be a blessing in disguise, but I just can't afford it right now. I am doing well in school, but I seriously am just waiting for the shoe to drop. I can't keep this up forever, can I??? I am a little behind in my photo processing, but I refuse to stress about it. What I have left are two weddings that I didn't charge for so at this point I feel like they are getting what they paid for. Sounds cold, but I gotta draw the line somewhere. So, you ask, what about a social life??? I am a social creature. I have close friends that I love and cherish and don't want them to get the shaft. So, I am working that in the mix too. Balance is important, no, balance is vital. And my family. Let's not leave them behind. So, finally here is the thing I have been trying to do. When I am at a place, let's say work, I try to just be at work. I try not to worry about school unless its lunch and I can squeeze it in. When I am at school, its all school. No FB, no worrying about work, no stressing over pictures, no guilty feelings about friends or family. When I am riding, I try to stay focused on my horse, not let my mind drift, think about each step she is making and how I am directing it. When I am with my friends, I enjoy every minute of them. I try to beat back thoughts of all the things I NEED to be getting done, and just be with them. When I am with my family, I listen to how their day was, try to be in the room with them, not racing around in my mind trying to do more than I should. This is not an easy process for me. I like to be going a million directions, I thrive on it, I do better under pressure. But, I have myself at a maxed out point where I am going to be picking quantity over quality and that just isn't my style. I want to be good at the things I am doing and I want the people that I am with to know that I am with them. I don't want to be so stressed that all I can think about is eating. Give it a try. Try just doing one thing at a time. See how it feels. I'm not saying there won't be times where you need to be multi-tasking and putting to use your super-human powers, I'm just saying don't overuse them. There may be a limit on them. Take time to do what you are doing right. Be where you are when you are there. Don't miss out because your body is in one place and your head is in another.

WHAT was I thinking???

What, I repeat, WHAT was I thinking??? I told you guys that I was going to work for my old boss for a couple of weeks (taking vacation from my current job to do so), and that it was gonna be kinda sorta hard. I am currently in the midst of that two week stint. I had to come home for four days to go back to class and I am heading back down tonight. But, just for fun, I thought I would run a 5k the morning after I got home. You know, instead of resting up for the next challenging week, go run a race. Right now you are probably thinking, well that's good, Funny Fat Chic has been running, good for her, maybe I should run too! Ha! Pfffft! Don't kid yourself. I opted to run the 5k with no training what-so-ever. As in I ran not one step for the couple of months prior to this 5k unless I was chasing a food truck of some kind. I realize that a 5k shouldn't require a lot of training, but some previous running may have been helpful. When we arrived the vast majority of the people there looked like they had been running before the race. Not running like right before the race, but maybe like they had been running several, if not many consecutive days prior to the race in a preparation of sorts for this particular day. There was one gal in particular that I will never forget her backside, as in I got a really good look at it due to the fact that she out ran me quite handily and I only got a look at her backside. She had long, toned legs, not short chubby ones like mine, a tight back that would look great in any bra, not like mine where I am continually trying to camouflage my back fat, and her arms were ripped, not rippling in the wind with every step like my own. While I will never have her height or length of leg, I aspire to be her, she is motivation.  I won't lie, I made it through, I ran the hills, I even ran and then went back for my friend and walked with her when she was feeling a little winded. So, I did it, and I felt like ass later (sorry for the language, but seriously, I felt like ass), and I ate onions rings after to make up for the whopping 75 calories I probably burned on that 3-point-whatever miles. So, I was considering it a wake up call, not that I didn't already have intentions to get rolling on the exercise wagon again anyways, but my readily apparent out of shape-ness on that little jaunt was pretty clear. Then it happened. I mean IT happened. They posted the race pictures. You know, in case you wanted to see yourself and all your out of shape glory attempting to pretend to jog up a hill... On the Internet... For all the world to see, not just me. So, there I am jogging with my incredibly adorable friend and what's that jogging with us??? Oh, yes, it's my gut. My bouncing, odd ball, ever present, spare tire. Illuminating itself through my brand new race t-shit, as if mocking the entire set-up. My gut was like, "Hey guys, see me, I'm not racing anyone, not even myself. How ironic that this race shirt even fits over me." OK, if I wasn't awake enough, those pictures did it for me. Color me back to exercising as soon as I get home from Reno. Lookout core, you're gonna be sore. Expect to see T-25 updates on this here blog. Expect to see less of me the next time you see me. Expect results. 'Cause here is the thing, I did that race and I made it, and I did fine, and a year ago, year and a half, that wouldn't of been true, but I have stalemated, and that isn't fair to me. Time to finish this thing. I know I will always struggle a bit, but I don't want to be fearful or ashamed of pictures of myself popping up somewhere. I want to be happy that I did it and looked good doing it. That's what I want. I want all the other stuff too, healthy habits, good to great fitness, etc. But deep down I want what we all want, I want to look good doing it. No more pushing snooze on this alarm clock, it's time to get down to business!!

P.S. I am VERY happy I did that race. It was good quality time with my friend and good gauge for me to see where I am really at. I don't regret a second of it, even if it means my gut made an Internet debut.

I may be becoming a bear...

A bear, why a bear? Am I growing a furry coat? A short stubby tail?? Have I taken a $#!& in the woods??? The answer is NO to all of the above. What makes me bear-like is my current state of hunger which can only be likened to a creature getting ready for a long winter with deep hibernation and my attitude of late which can be described as nothing short of bad. Very bad attitude. So what the heck is going on. When in doubt, blog about it!!

We'll go alphabetical, attitude first. I have myself a little overextended. And when I say a little, I mean that I have finally and officially bitten off more than I can chew. And in an attempt to help out a friend, I have signed up to drive myself over the edge by working for them out of town for the next two weeks. Which basically means that I will be putting my life (aka unending responsibilities) on hold for the next two weeks. Oh, and sleep, I'll be putting that on hold as well. So, between, work, the horses, my photography stuff (still have 2 weddings to finish editing), and school, guess what I haven't been doing.... EXERCISE!!! Which may also be contributing to my current state of nasty attitude. I feel like a few pounds have snuck back on. I refuse to step on a scale and see how many. My jeans still fit but they are most definitely snugger. I can tell my flexibility has gone downhill and there is a little more jiggle in my thighs. Sigh. Pffft. So, my vow, my solemn vow, is that after my two week out of town stint, it is back on the exercise wagon. No excuses, no cop-outs, no giving up. By Spring I want to be fit, not "I can run around the block" fit, but "Did you see the arms on that chic?" fit. As a result of being overextended, I am also not in a good frame of mind to handle change. There have been some big changes at my work, namely a new employee. I need to have a much better frame of mind about her than I do. I should be setting a better example for my staff. I need to not want to call in sick the days she is working. Vow number two, at the end of two weeks I need to go back to work with a better frame of mind.

Ok, now that we hashed out the attitude, we can roll on to the hunger. I think many of the above reasons are playing into the hunger factor. An additional one may be the plain old fact that I am tired, again. So, time to start recognizing the difference between hungry and tired. If only I could take a nap at lunch. My other problem at work is that instead of running off at the mouth when something irritates me, and by that, I mean makes me IRATE, I shove peanuts in my mouth. Handfuls of peanuts from the snack drawer. It could be worse, it could be chocolate, but it's not a healthy habit none-the-less. It is getting cool in the evenings, so I think that I want to eat in the evenings, for no apparent reason. Basically, I have taken a little turn for the worst. But, the buck stops here. Time to turn the tide back the other direction and get myself pulled together. I'm too important, have come too far, and worked too hard to let a little exhaustion and crappy co-worker rain on my parade. I don't wanna be a bear, I hope you don't wanna be a bear either.

Shhhh... I have a secret.

Do you love the skin you're in?? What is that commercial, Olay? Dove? Anyways, here is my secret. Having beautiful skin has nothing to do with what you put on it. I'll say it again, having beautiful skin has NOTHING to do with what you put on it. God's honest truth. So, Funny Fat Chic, you say, what does it have to do with??

Water. Mostly water, and some of what you eat. Maybe a touch of genetics. Here is the deal. Please don't think I am being conceited here, I have just realized the answer to a mystery. I get compliments on my skin all the time. From people I know and from complete strangers. Like ALL the time, almost daily. It's like kinda weird. Makes me uncomfortable. I mean I would rather get a compliment on my flabby ass, or manly hands, or stubby legs. In my youth, my skin was ok, typical teenage skin, the occasional zit, nothing to write home about. In my 20's, with the nasty eating habits and stress of college and the like, I had major acne. Awful, painful, hideous looking skin. I was mortified. I had never had my skin look like that before. I tried every cream, every wash, everything from Proactive to tea tree. You name it, I put it on my face. Guess what??? None of it worked. And most of it is expensive. I went through a phase where I decided to eat right, drink water instead of soda pop, exercise, and my skin cleared up without me even trying. Know what's cheap?? Water.

Fast forward to current date. Two weeks after I started my initial juice cleanse all anyone could talk about was my skin. You are glowing, what are you doing? Are you pregnant? No, man, I am on the juice. As part of the juicing I got in the habit of drinking A LOT of water. Currently, I shoot for a gallon a day. Think about that for a second. Does the 4 glasses of water you grab throughout the day add up to a gallon... Probably not. First thing when I get up in the morning, I drink 32 oz before I jump in the shower. Next thing, I drink hot water and fresh lemon juice before I have breakfast. Lemon is a good cleanser inside and out. It's cheap, it's tasty tart, it's good stuff. Then I continue to drink water through the day. The water keeps my guts moving, gross, but important, helps my liver filter out the bad stuff that would usually break out on my face, and keeps my cells hydrated. The only time I get a blemish is if I stray off my healthy path. I recently read a study that said 80% of Americans are clinically dehydrated. That is why we are sluggish, hungry, and full of zits!!! But seriously, drink a lot of water. Measure for awhile so you know how much a gallon really is. Drink your water.

The also mentions of pretty skin, what you eat... Don't eat processed food. Bottom line. It has additives, chemicals, things that your body hates. Things that your body tries to get rid of in cruel ways, like acne, bad coloring, wrinkles. Clean eating = clear skin. Drink your water.

Last one, genetics. In this case you got what you got. So, drink your water.

That's my secrets for great skin. I haven't used lotion in months. Just sunscreen. I'm not dry, I'm a little glowy (not as much as when I just juice), and I feel pretty good. Know why??? I drink my water.

Pretty is as pretty does...

Have you ever had a pretty person tell you that you're pretty?? A couple of weeks ago I was photographing a horse show and one of the contestants that hadn't seen me in awhile told me how pretty I was. She said it with such conviction and sincerity that for that moment, I WAS pretty.

I have always categorized people like so... There are pretty people and then there is me. Seems like a shallow way to divide people up, but it keeps things simple. There are just people that ooze beauty, some of them just on the outside and some of them from the inside out. Basically everyone of my friends is these people, they are all gorgeous. How I ever found so many pretty people, I'll never know. I carry enough self-loathing that the inside out beauty isn't gonna happen and between the extra weight, the crazy hair, and the ugly nose, I have never been one to fall in the outside beauty column either. Or at least that has been my mindset to date.

If a pretty person tells you that you are pretty, it just might be true. I mean who better to know what pretty is than someone who stares at it in the mirror on a daily basis. So, here is what I have been trying to do for the past two weeks... I have been trying to act like I am pretty. Not some conceded, I can just walk around in a bikini, flip my hair and get my way kind of pretty, but the inside out kind of pretty. The pretty that cares to take care of herself, the pretty that doesn't hang her head when passing people, the pretty that isn't worried about being ugly all the time. I'm not constantly winning on the pretty front, but I'm trying to keep a better self-image going. I feel like this is an important step in my weight loss journey, changing the way that I see myself and projecting that interpretation to others. I still have weight to lose, fitness to gain, and work to do, but it is ok, to be ok with where I am at during this very moment. You know why??? 'Cause someone thinks I'm pretty.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I LOVE to beat myself up right into an eating frenzy. It's a big downfall for my health, weight loss, and well-being. I can let a a wrong-doing from someone else go no problem, but I can't let any my infractions, or even things that aren't infractions, but I make them into one, go, not even for a second. I wake up in the middle of the night lecturing myself for things I haven't even done or not done yet. It's not a good trait of mine and it's something I am working on. This letter below comes from a phenomenal blog. If you aren't following it, I highly recommend it. bravegirlsclub.com. It addresses forgiveness and shares how progress is stalemated until you let go of your sins of the past.

Oh Sweet Summer Time...

My, oh, my, where has the summer gone??? And where on earth is Carmen San Diego?? (did I date myself with that comment??) And, more importantly, why has Funny Fat Chic abandoned her blog??? As it turns out I can only answer one of those questions, the last one. It wasn't so much as abandonment, but something more along the lines of Funny Fat Chic has been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle. But, I am fully and finally ready to get back into the swing of things on several fronts. Here is a nice little list rundown of what has been happening in my regular world, nutrition world, weight loss world, exercise world, and mental well-being world. That's like a summer solar system for ya...

1) Busy you say, busy doing what?? I went to Canada, photographed a wedding and spent a little time with one of my dearest friends. Came home, kept rolling on with my day job, which honestly is beginning to get in the way of the rest of my life. Photographed a horse show. Then another wedding (two now under my belt, does that make me a wedding photographer, I think not...). Then a one-year-old's birthday party (herding cats). Then a stallion advertisement photo shoot. Then I went camping and unwound just a little. Then I went and showed my three-year-old cow pony for the first time. I have another horse show to shoot this weekend. So, my life has basically been like this, get up at 4am, feed the orphan foal, edit pictures until it is time to go to work. Go to work, pretend I'm thinking about work and not the 3,000 other things I need to be doing. Go home. Do chores. Go ride two horses. Go back home and edit pictures until I'm ready to pass out at 10 or 11. Repeat until utter exhaustion sets in.

2) What is missing from item 1??? That's right, you guessed it, exercise. I have not stuck to a legitimate exercise routine since I went to Canada. Holy cow, that stinks. That stinks a lot. I'm starting to notice a little lack of energy and some soft spots. Thus, it is time to schedule exercise back into my life. No if's, and's, or inordinately large butt's about it. I bought T-25, Shaun T's new workout regime, I am going to put it to work, it's 5 days a week and I am going to lift weights 3 days a week. I am going to be my super fit happy self again, not this walking dead, soft bellied shell of my earlier summer self.

3) Nutrition front has been going pretty well. I ate like a nasty teenager while I was camping, but I did a cleanse afterwards and shamefully shook a finger at myself in the mirror because I felt as crappy as the food I ate. Totally not really worth it. Go figure. I am still juicing at some point during the day, whether it be a snack or a meal replacement, I still feel like it is an important part of my health. Vegetables=Good Nutrition. Not a hard equation. I have been looking into the Paleo stuff. Which is basically the new buzz word for eating clean. Which is basically what I do. If I could cut out peanuts (aka peanut butter) and popcorn, I would be a poster child for Paleo, or at least the poster child for a clean eater. I have no desire to be on a poster and I am gonna have to think long and hard about the peanut butter and popcorn. Those are two emotional coping mechanisms I'm just not sure I can part with. Seems like a weak excuse to me, I would totally tell someone else that is a dumb reason to keep that extra 15-20lbs on, but when it comes right down to it, I love my peanut butter and popcorn, not together mind you.

4) Weight loss is in a holding pattern. I am happy with that. I have not been making a conscious attempt at losing weight other than the post-camping cleanse. Without the insane exercise regime and super stringent eating regulations, I am happy that the changes I have made are automatic enough that I haven't ballooned my way to hating myself through the summer. I will say that this last week has been hard. I think that I am confusing my tiredness with hunger. A bad confusion to make. After this crazy weekend I am going to become more vigilant about getting the appropriate amount of sleep, getting my energy boosting exercise in, and making the healthy nutrition decisions I need to keep after. Time to crack down on this last bit of excess yuck that I don't need hanging around on my body anymore!! Be gone belly, be gone thighs, be gone arm jiggle.

5) Mental well-being. Ha! I scoff at the phrase. Who needs to be mentally well anyways. Honestly, I do think that I have just been so busy I haven't had that much time to dwell on anything and cause myself mental anguish. My horse tossed a few curve balls at me to keep me worrying about something besides myself. So, that means Busy Trish=Happy, Yet Tired Trish. My goal is to get one photo shoot edited at a time and get everything checked off of my list before I commit to anything else that will make me go tilt or feel any guilt. And get my house back in order. And spend some time with my neglected family and friends. And get some sleep. Did I mention I am a little tired???

So, there you have, Funny Fat Chic's not-so-wild and crazy summer. Sorry for my absence and I promise to pay more attention to you guys as well, I've missed ya and the accountability that comes with talking to you. Welcome back!!!