Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I LOVE to beat myself up right into an eating frenzy. It's a big downfall for my health, weight loss, and well-being. I can let a a wrong-doing from someone else go no problem, but I can't let any my infractions, or even things that aren't infractions, but I make them into one, go, not even for a second. I wake up in the middle of the night lecturing myself for things I haven't even done or not done yet. It's not a good trait of mine and it's something I am working on. This letter below comes from a phenomenal blog. If you aren't following it, I highly recommend it. bravegirlsclub.com. It addresses forgiveness and shares how progress is stalemated until you let go of your sins of the past.

Oh Sweet Summer Time...

My, oh, my, where has the summer gone??? And where on earth is Carmen San Diego?? (did I date myself with that comment??) And, more importantly, why has Funny Fat Chic abandoned her blog??? As it turns out I can only answer one of those questions, the last one. It wasn't so much as abandonment, but something more along the lines of Funny Fat Chic has been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle. But, I am fully and finally ready to get back into the swing of things on several fronts. Here is a nice little list rundown of what has been happening in my regular world, nutrition world, weight loss world, exercise world, and mental well-being world. That's like a summer solar system for ya...

1) Busy you say, busy doing what?? I went to Canada, photographed a wedding and spent a little time with one of my dearest friends. Came home, kept rolling on with my day job, which honestly is beginning to get in the way of the rest of my life. Photographed a horse show. Then another wedding (two now under my belt, does that make me a wedding photographer, I think not...). Then a one-year-old's birthday party (herding cats). Then a stallion advertisement photo shoot. Then I went camping and unwound just a little. Then I went and showed my three-year-old cow pony for the first time. I have another horse show to shoot this weekend. So, my life has basically been like this, get up at 4am, feed the orphan foal, edit pictures until it is time to go to work. Go to work, pretend I'm thinking about work and not the 3,000 other things I need to be doing. Go home. Do chores. Go ride two horses. Go back home and edit pictures until I'm ready to pass out at 10 or 11. Repeat until utter exhaustion sets in.

2) What is missing from item 1??? That's right, you guessed it, exercise. I have not stuck to a legitimate exercise routine since I went to Canada. Holy cow, that stinks. That stinks a lot. I'm starting to notice a little lack of energy and some soft spots. Thus, it is time to schedule exercise back into my life. No if's, and's, or inordinately large butt's about it. I bought T-25, Shaun T's new workout regime, I am going to put it to work, it's 5 days a week and I am going to lift weights 3 days a week. I am going to be my super fit happy self again, not this walking dead, soft bellied shell of my earlier summer self.

3) Nutrition front has been going pretty well. I ate like a nasty teenager while I was camping, but I did a cleanse afterwards and shamefully shook a finger at myself in the mirror because I felt as crappy as the food I ate. Totally not really worth it. Go figure. I am still juicing at some point during the day, whether it be a snack or a meal replacement, I still feel like it is an important part of my health. Vegetables=Good Nutrition. Not a hard equation. I have been looking into the Paleo stuff. Which is basically the new buzz word for eating clean. Which is basically what I do. If I could cut out peanuts (aka peanut butter) and popcorn, I would be a poster child for Paleo, or at least the poster child for a clean eater. I have no desire to be on a poster and I am gonna have to think long and hard about the peanut butter and popcorn. Those are two emotional coping mechanisms I'm just not sure I can part with. Seems like a weak excuse to me, I would totally tell someone else that is a dumb reason to keep that extra 15-20lbs on, but when it comes right down to it, I love my peanut butter and popcorn, not together mind you.

4) Weight loss is in a holding pattern. I am happy with that. I have not been making a conscious attempt at losing weight other than the post-camping cleanse. Without the insane exercise regime and super stringent eating regulations, I am happy that the changes I have made are automatic enough that I haven't ballooned my way to hating myself through the summer. I will say that this last week has been hard. I think that I am confusing my tiredness with hunger. A bad confusion to make. After this crazy weekend I am going to become more vigilant about getting the appropriate amount of sleep, getting my energy boosting exercise in, and making the healthy nutrition decisions I need to keep after. Time to crack down on this last bit of excess yuck that I don't need hanging around on my body anymore!! Be gone belly, be gone thighs, be gone arm jiggle.

5) Mental well-being. Ha! I scoff at the phrase. Who needs to be mentally well anyways. Honestly, I do think that I have just been so busy I haven't had that much time to dwell on anything and cause myself mental anguish. My horse tossed a few curve balls at me to keep me worrying about something besides myself. So, that means Busy Trish=Happy, Yet Tired Trish. My goal is to get one photo shoot edited at a time and get everything checked off of my list before I commit to anything else that will make me go tilt or feel any guilt. And get my house back in order. And spend some time with my neglected family and friends. And get some sleep. Did I mention I am a little tired???

So, there you have, Funny Fat Chic's not-so-wild and crazy summer. Sorry for my absence and I promise to pay more attention to you guys as well, I've missed ya and the accountability that comes with talking to you. Welcome back!!!

Vacation!!!

I'm getting ready to leave on vacation tomorrow. I'm headed to Canada, I'm a real international traveller like that. Don't be surprised if you don't hear much from me this coming week. Also, don't be surprised if I come back and add way too many vowels to all the words in my posts upon my return. Here are some things about vacation that make me lose my hair... Literally and figuratively.

1) I'm going to a dear friend's wedding. This is the wedding I have been worried about having "the" outfit for. I don't have "the" outfit. This may seem ridiculous, and it probably is, that I keep worrying about this. But the people that I am going to visit haven't seen me in awhile, so, I obviously look a little different considering I have dropped another humans worth of weight off my body. These people, some of my people, have been VERY supportive of my weight loss/health quest. For some reason it is important to me that I look my best when I am there. I don't want to let them down and have them think that all there support was for nothing. Although there is no chance on the planet that they would ever feel this way. EVER. Welcome to my endless rant of insecurities. So weird.

2) I am photographing this wedding. It is my first wedding to perform this task. I am not a wedding photographer. I'm not sure how many you have to do to consider yourself one, but I'm pretty sure ZERO isn't the number. Wedding moments only happen once. You can't stop the ceremony and ask them to do it again because you were slow on the trigger. As a result my iron gut is suffering from some intestinal distress. That should make the drive interesting. Again, these are the kindest people you would ever hope to meet and are going to love whatever I capture, which just makes me want to do a good job all the more.

3) I am driving by myself, a recurrent theme in my life. I do this pretty well, but, my driving record as of late has been classified as less than stellar. Thank goodness not all of my mishaps have had to be reported to my insurance. I'm sure they just laugh every time I call. Here's hopin I can stay out of vehicular trouble for the week.

4) The trip is going to be much shorter than I would like. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the friend that I am going to visit. The miles between us aren't fair. She is a gooden to have around. We stay in contact nearly daily, I know our friendship will sustain no matter what the distance or circumstance. But the spoiled brat in me would like to have more than 5 days to see her. I am thankful that I can be free-wheeling enough to jump in the car and get to go see her at all. Maybe I need to lean a little more towards that attitude instead of already feeling sorry for myself for not getting to spend two weeks... or three weeks... or a month... Be grateful for the time I get, I could not have it all.

5) I'll be meeting a lot of new people. Most people don't realize that I am kinda shy. At least with new people. I'm always nervous about what kind of impression I might make. I don't want to embarrass the people that I am associated with. I also don't want to fall short of any reputation (at least if it's good) that may precede me. Smile, Funny Fat Chic, it's gonna be just fine. I'm also bad with names. I'm gonna spend the drive trying to come up with some mnemonic devices to help me with that.

6) I inevitably will forget to pack about 7 things. And, if you saw how I packed you'd find this VERY funny. Part of the reason I hate to fly is it limits my ability to take everything I own with me. This time I am not only packing clothes, but am adding camera gear on top of that, and then in attempt to stay somewhat on track while I'm away, I will have some workout stuff and pre-made juice and hemp shakes. I don't want to gain 5lbs while on my road trip, but I am going to have fun and try not to stress too much about IT. If I can sneak my shakes in for breakfast and hit my juice where I can, squeeze in some workouts without tying up too much time I should be ok, and hopefully call it a success on the health front. But, I am going to Canada and there WILL be drinking. I WILL be participating, come hell or high water... As it turns out they have actually had the high water portion of that statement as of late.

There it is, my neurotic ramblings over what will be an amazing trip no matter how it shakes out. Have a great week and a wonderful 4th of July next week!! I'll be back.... (that's my best Arnold impression, how'd you like it????)

Dressing rooms, the bain of my existence.

Here is a weekend recap. It all started Friday night. It actually all started when my Mom genetically handed me down a crappy metabolism, but I digress. I had to work an extra four hours Friday night, emergencies happen where I work and it can't be avoided sometimes, and by sometimes I mean ALL the time. It basically shot my plans for getting my horse rode, a workout in, and editing the horse show I am working on right now. I reduced it down to eating some turkey jerky on my way out the door and getting in my workout before eating some popcorn and going to bed. I had to work on Saturday, so staying up until the wee hours of the morning editing wasn't an option. Went and worked on Saturday, nothing exciting there. My plan for the evening after working was to go buy these ridiculously expensive jeans that I swore I would NEVER pay that much for a pair of jeans so that I would have something respectable to wear to the wedding next weekend, then ride my pony, and workout. No big deal, sounds innocent enough. So, I go to the store where the jeans currently resided, and as it happens, still reside (spoiler alert: I didn't buy them). I had been stewing about these jeans for two weeks. That's how I shop. I don't try stuff on, I don't buy it when I first see it, I try and see if I can live without it, then I go back later and they don't have my size anymore, and I don't have to buy it, wasn't meant to be, see, not complicated at all. So, I grabbed 5 pairs of jeans including "the" pair. I tried them on, One pair didn't fit, the rest did. But, mind you, one pair not fitting is enough to knock the wind outta a Funny Fat Chick's sails. That's it, that's all it takes. I couldn't say that "the" pair made my hiney look so fabulous that I was willing to pay $89 for them. None of the others blew my skirt up either. That may be partially because I was in a dressing room. Which basically amounts to psychological warfare for an eternal fat kid. I have spent my life avoiding these places at ALL costs. For starters, you are changing in out of clothes you don't own in public. Weird. Secondly, there is a good chance that you are going to put something on that doesn't fit, and one way or the other, that is upsetting. Lastly, if you are shopping alone there is no reassuring friend to tell you that you don't look like the beached whale that you see in the mirror. I spent enough time trying stuff on that I had to pee, real bad. I found the bathroom and tried to regroup. I thought, I will look one. more. time. I hit the clearance rack where I found the pair I ended up buying. Whether they were a better cut for me, the right shade of blue, or who knows what, I liked this pair of jeans, didn't love, but liked them enough to buy them and didn't feel completely ripped off. They were still more money than I am usually willing to spend on britches, but they didn't break the bank. I got the rest of my shopping done and headed home. Where, I crashed. Crashed hard. I didn't get any of the other things done that I wanted to, and I ate my way through the evening. Nothing terrible for me because I just don't keep that stuff in the house, but if it had been there, I'm sure it wouldn't have stood a chance. One that emotional trigger is tripped there is no putting that bullet back in the gun. I am better now. Back to my normal self. But it is continually disappointing that there are still things out there that can push me over that edge. Between the exhaustion, the jeans fiasco, and my teetering self-confidence, this wasn't my best weekend. But the good news is that I can pick myself up and move on from it, something I never used to do. Silver linings, they are out there.

This HAD to be shared...

This is a link to a post by a fellow blogger. For any of you that have been trying to eat clean, this is a MUST read. It hits all the anxiety, pitfalls, and distress that one encounters on their quest for "environmentally friendly" nutrition.

http://www.nwedible.com/2012/08/tragedy-healthy-eater.html

Marco... Polo

What's that, Funny Fat Chic, have you been absent becasue you have been at the bottom of a pool??? No, not quite. For starters, I can't swim. And, not for lack of trying either. I sink, bottom line. I have been MIA this past week due to the fact that it is beginning to be a CRAZY BUSY SUMMER!!! I apologize for my neglect of this here blog. Here are some observations I have had over the past week that should fill you in on my state of mind/being/and general thought processes.

1) My arms no longer hit my sides when I walk. this could be due to one of two reasons. A) I am finally thin enough that this no longer happens... or B) My football player stature has me walking around looking like "The Rock". You be the judge. Now, if only I could get my thigh to stop touching. They seem to be attached at the hip... Get it?

2) Extreme workout videos don't work for me during the summer months. I got a lot goin on and 85+ minutes a day is a little too much. I know that Pinterest would tell there is someone busier than me out there exercising and I should feel all kinds of shame for not doing TapOut XT2 right now, but you know what, NO, I will not feel bad about this. I bought a book full of exercises and it has workout programs in the back. They are mainly strength training and focus a lot on core stuff. The workouts take about 40+ minutes. I love it. I plug in my iPod and get it done. I feel good, it fits my schedule, and I needed a break from being bossed around. Will I go back to TapOut?? Absolutely, but probably not until this Fall. So there.

3) I have a wedding to go to. I can't find a thing to wear. I am in between sizes. I mean, I can get the 9's on and zipped and some people would wear them... They are too tight for me to make an appearance in them by my standards. The 10/11's look frumpy on me. So now I am just frumpy and grumpy. Bad combination.

4) I LOVE summer. It's riding, hiking, road tripping season and I LOVE it.

5) I may be in a perpetual state of sorta fat. I'm no longer full fledged fat, but I am not thin/skinny/ripped yet either and progress is sloooooow. Like I mean sloooooow. Especially slow for an impatient person (raised hand... that's me!!). So, here I am in between sizes, sorta fat. Sigh.

6) I sustained myself for three days last week on nothing but turkey jerky, vegetable juice, and peanut butter. This was not intentional, but it sure happened. Weird.

7) I had someone point out to me the other day that everyone needs a leg up sometimes. It was in reference to some life decisions that I am making right now, and certain circumstances have caused me to scale back a little more than I wanted, thus making me irritated, upset, etc. If I would be willing to accept help I could up my timeline, if I am stubborn and proceed on my own accord things will go more slowly. Heavy stuff man. Weighs on my mind. Weighs on my psyche. Make me put my hand to my mouth with popcorn in it. Oh, my emotional comfort food, it continually stands the test of time. Still undecided...

So, there you have it, the good, the bad, and the ugly from the bottom of the pool.

New emotion.... VANITY

I've been feeling a little vain lately. Don't worry, I'm not strutting around acting like my you know what doesn't stink or anything. I have just been noticing some things and taking action on them that I never would have before. For example... I have a renegade nose hair in my left nostril. I was never aware of its existence before and now I keep tweezers in the car to yank that sucker out every time it crops up. Another example is that I worry about how my clothes fit. Now, I don't want you to think I've jumped off the deep end, I still wear fat pants to work, thrifty beats vanity any day of the week and twice on Sundays. But I think about it when I leave the house for any other reason. Is this shirt too tight? Do these pants make me look shorter? Do these sleeves make me look like a football player? You know, stuff like that. I'm also uncomfortable in my hair, that's not really new, but I do feel like I am more at odds with it these days. Can't we all just get along? I think gone are the day's of the girl that had "go to town hoodies", hardly ever wore make-up, had never met nail polish or an eyelash curler, and never bothered to check a mirror before exiting the house. I'm WAY to vain now.