I was going to call this post the "Ugly Truth" but I didn't want to infringe on any movie title copyrights. Besides, we are all about being honest here, right?
So, I try really hard not to dive off into a pity party if I can help it. But let's face, we all feel sorry for ourselves sometimes. I had a touch of that last weekend. I waited a few days to write this post to make sure that it was really what I wanted to put out there in the universe, and since it is still on my mind, and my heart, here it goes. I promise to continue to lace some humor throughout. I am laughing at myself, you guys should too. This will all tie in to weight loss, just bear with me.
Last weekend I went on a long weekend trip to stay in a cabin in central Oregon... Alone. But I wasn't supposed to be alone. Let me preface this whole thing by saying that I am absolutely sick and tired of being alone (insert:single). Confession... After I turned 35 this summer I broke down and signed up for eharmony. It has been the worst dating experiences of my life. Internet dating takes the human component out of meeting people and allows people to talk (type) to you without actually having to treat you like person. Repeatedly I have communicated with a guy, for several weeks even, and then one day they just never write again. I had one HORRIFIC date weekend where I flew up to meet a guy, basically got stood up at the airport for 7 hours, met him for a ridiculously late dinner, never heard from him the next, or the next day until 3 hours before my scheduled flight home. This weekend was not an eharmony guy. This was a guy that I knew when I lived in Oregon and have seen from time to time over the years. I invited him to the cabin for the weekend and he indicated that he was coming and was excited to come. Fast forward to me sitting in the cabin staring at two unreturned messages, realizing once again, that I had been stood up. Is this what dating in my 30's is all about, humility??? God bless all my friends because they are quick to tell me there is nothing wrong with me and that I am a great person. They also say that I should stay single as long as I can. Here is the thing about that... They are wrong. Being single has some perks, but at the end of the day, you know who I tell about my day? My dogs. Which I am starting to collect like a crazy cat lady. They listen, they love me, but they don't talk back. They don't hold my hand. They don't laugh. They don't tell me I'm right, wrong, or indifferent. Until you are spending the time in your life alone when you should be married and raising a family and watching everyone else in your life do exactly that, don't tell me I should stay alone. Its not always all it's cracked up to be.
Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't have an all bad weekend. I didn't even have a mostly bad weekend. I refused to. The weather was great. The scenery was beautiful. I got a lot of outside activities done. I even did an 8 mile run on Sunday, a distance PR for me. I couldn't help but think how cliche me running alone is. You know that scene in EVERY romantic drama and comedy where the single chic is running along the beach, or the river, or the whatever. I get why they run, its a solitary activity so it isn't weird for you to be doing it by yourself. I wanted to go watch the Ronda Rousey fight on Saturday night, but I couldn't think of anything worse than sitting in a bar eating dinner alone on my solitary weekend. It takes tough stuff to eat alone in a restaurant when you actually are alone. Tougher stuff than I have. I skipped the fight, got Mexican take out, and did my homework by the fire at the cabin.
My confidence in myself has gone up tenfold since I have begun this particular weight loss journey. I have accomplished a lot in the past year, not just physically, but in other areas of my life as well. I genuinely feel good about myself. But even the sanest, most well-loved, and emotionally strong person will have their boat rocked by rejection. Especially when it comes in the form of silence. There is that not knowing factor. I know to a certain degree that nothing bad happened to this guy. I have Facebook to thank for that. He still posted things all weekend. It was just me that he didn't even think enough of to tell me he wouldn't make it. I had given him outs prior to the weekend and could have even scheduled some photo shoots while I was over there. I put all that on hold because he said he was coming. What is it about me that makes people think that treating me like that is ok? That it won't affect me in the least? The worst part is having people ask about my weekend. What did you do? I tell them. How was the weather? Gorgeous, I say. Who did you go with? No one. And then it happens. The "Oh." This "Oh" is meant to be polite and enthusiastic. It slips from people's mouths before they think of something else to say. The tone of this "Oh" is dripping with pity and a hint of disbelief that I would travel alone, not to meet anyone, but to be alone. That "Oh" speaks volumes.
Weight loss tie-in. I would be lying through my teeth if I didn't tell you that a portion of my weight loss quest is a vain attempt at being more attractive to the opposite sex. People that are healthy and fit are people that have respect for themselves and that makes other people drawn to them in turn. I am not hanging my single hat on the fact that my hind end is getting smaller, but one would think it would help. That is a pretty superficial way to look at looking for a mate, but I feel like I have all the other parts figured out, so that must be it, I must be physically unattractive. I'm honestly not looking for any sympathy here. I gave myself enough of that last weekend. I just want anyone else out there in this same boat to know you aren't completely alone. I get it. I totally get it. But don't let it be something that sets you off your path to living a healthy lifestyle. It is about more than just being physically attractive. It is about being strong in mind and body. STRONG. I'm just about over this hump and over that guy. I'm just about over trying to figure out why. I am moving on. And heading down the road... In sneakers... And compression leggings... And sporting a fanny pack, I mean flipbelt.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Thursday, November 5, 2015
The highs and lows of weight loss.
I am starting to think that this will never end. I have been fighting the weight demon for 35 years now. That is quite a career. It is a roller coaster of a ride that goes from emotional high to emotional low without much contentment in between.
Why so melancholy Funny Fat Chic?
A couple things have happened in the last week. I can do a happy dance because instead of my sizes having multiple Xs in front of them, some, if not all are just a good 'ole plain L. That is kinda cool. I have some cute clothes that I bought the last time I lost weight but I ballooned back up before I fit into them that I can now wear. VICTORY! A short-lived one though.
I have a vacation planned in December. It is a bucket list trip and I could not be more excited about it. Where I'm going, the people I'm going with, it could not be planned more perfectly. I tried on jeans this week. Jeans that I just knew I could get into before this trip. Here I am 30 days out and they absolutely DO NOT fit. No ifs ands or buts about it. <Insert sigh of defeat> Why on God's green earth after all this time, all this work, and all that I have accomplished do I still let myself be defined by the size of my pants?????? But I do. I took the pile of jeans out of the storage tub that they were in and put them in my room on a bench at the foot of my bed so that they would be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. A big 'ole pile of shame. I'm sure that will be effective (she says dripping with sarcasm). It is like I feel the need to punish myself for not getting there in time.
Here is the take away from this. We (or at least I) do not have full control of my body. Even though I have set a goal, maybe an unrealistic one, that doesn't mean that my body has the same plan. I'm not as young as I used to be so weight loss is a little slower process. I refuse to take any weight loss supplements because I know that their effects are not lasting or healthy. I also refuse to starve myself this time. I am eating an appropriate amount of calories in the form of clean, whole foods that nourish me and support my current activities. So, I am going to run 7.5 miles today. I am going to lift weights. I am going to stay consistent and strong through the holidays. I am not going to let that pile of jeans depress me into eating badly and giving up. I like the feeling of accomplishment I am getting by reaching fitness goals, even if my pants size isn't willing to be a reward for me. Highs to lows, contentment must be in there somewhere.
Why so melancholy Funny Fat Chic?
A couple things have happened in the last week. I can do a happy dance because instead of my sizes having multiple Xs in front of them, some, if not all are just a good 'ole plain L. That is kinda cool. I have some cute clothes that I bought the last time I lost weight but I ballooned back up before I fit into them that I can now wear. VICTORY! A short-lived one though.
I have a vacation planned in December. It is a bucket list trip and I could not be more excited about it. Where I'm going, the people I'm going with, it could not be planned more perfectly. I tried on jeans this week. Jeans that I just knew I could get into before this trip. Here I am 30 days out and they absolutely DO NOT fit. No ifs ands or buts about it. <Insert sigh of defeat> Why on God's green earth after all this time, all this work, and all that I have accomplished do I still let myself be defined by the size of my pants?????? But I do. I took the pile of jeans out of the storage tub that they were in and put them in my room on a bench at the foot of my bed so that they would be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. A big 'ole pile of shame. I'm sure that will be effective (she says dripping with sarcasm). It is like I feel the need to punish myself for not getting there in time.
Here is the take away from this. We (or at least I) do not have full control of my body. Even though I have set a goal, maybe an unrealistic one, that doesn't mean that my body has the same plan. I'm not as young as I used to be so weight loss is a little slower process. I refuse to take any weight loss supplements because I know that their effects are not lasting or healthy. I also refuse to starve myself this time. I am eating an appropriate amount of calories in the form of clean, whole foods that nourish me and support my current activities. So, I am going to run 7.5 miles today. I am going to lift weights. I am going to stay consistent and strong through the holidays. I am not going to let that pile of jeans depress me into eating badly and giving up. I like the feeling of accomplishment I am getting by reaching fitness goals, even if my pants size isn't willing to be a reward for me. Highs to lows, contentment must be in there somewhere.
Monday, October 26, 2015
The View
Nope, I'm not about to talk about that TV show. I would never dare to enter into that political of a diatribe on this lighthearted, truth-slinging, funny platform. Nope. No way, no how.
I would like to talk about how I actually see a few things. How the world, ok my world, looks like right now.
For instance... I am starting to see my body take a shape other than round. I am getting a tiny bit of definition in my tree trunk legs. My calves are starting to look like muscles, not just extensions of my thighs. I am beginning to see a waist in between my fat rolls. My arms are getting a little sculpted. They probably look the best of anything on me, besides my perfectly manicured toes... Wait, I mean my perfectly pedicured toes. But in all reality, my arms probably had the least amount of work to do to become passable. There is still some wiggle and jiggle in the bottom of them, but it is rapidly being replaced by muscle. Here is one thing that I don't get about what I see. What kind of cosmic joke is it that stretch marks are on the front of our bodies instead of the back where we can't see them??? Why do I have to look at those things on my stomach instead of on my back where I would rarely, if ever, catch a glimpse of them??? That is a piss poor design flaw in the human body if you ask me.
I no longer want to cry when I see a picture of myself these days. I fit into some cuter clothes now that actually have some shape to them and don't just make me look like a fat face stuck on a colorless blob, how I've always felt up to now. Who knows, maybe I'll even change my profile picture. I don't feel like I dwarf the person standing next to me in pictures. Mind you, I'm not volunteering to get in front of any cameras, I'm just not actively hiding from them.
This is my view when I workout these days...
I would like to talk about how I actually see a few things. How the world, ok my world, looks like right now.
For instance... I am starting to see my body take a shape other than round. I am getting a tiny bit of definition in my tree trunk legs. My calves are starting to look like muscles, not just extensions of my thighs. I am beginning to see a waist in between my fat rolls. My arms are getting a little sculpted. They probably look the best of anything on me, besides my perfectly manicured toes... Wait, I mean my perfectly pedicured toes. But in all reality, my arms probably had the least amount of work to do to become passable. There is still some wiggle and jiggle in the bottom of them, but it is rapidly being replaced by muscle. Here is one thing that I don't get about what I see. What kind of cosmic joke is it that stretch marks are on the front of our bodies instead of the back where we can't see them??? Why do I have to look at those things on my stomach instead of on my back where I would rarely, if ever, catch a glimpse of them??? That is a piss poor design flaw in the human body if you ask me.
I no longer want to cry when I see a picture of myself these days. I fit into some cuter clothes now that actually have some shape to them and don't just make me look like a fat face stuck on a colorless blob, how I've always felt up to now. Who knows, maybe I'll even change my profile picture. I don't feel like I dwarf the person standing next to me in pictures. Mind you, I'm not volunteering to get in front of any cameras, I'm just not actively hiding from them.
This is my view when I workout these days...
I like both of these views for different reasons. I still have a love/hate relationship with the running. These days I am leaning a little more towards love than hate. So, there's that. What I can say for the running is that I feel empowered, clear headed, and all around better when I get done with a run. I am always surprised at my distance or the time that I get it done in. Always. I still don't believe I can do it. I hope I can hold onto this awe and wonder for a little while longer. Signing up for some races and finding the MapMyRun app for my phone has made things a little more interesting and provided some new motivation. So, again, there's that. The weight lifting is still my favorite. I can't help it. I feel strong, really strong when I get done with it. I know that it is the thing that is shaping my body on the outside. The running might be changing me on the inside (which should count for more), but the weights are what the rest of the world is seeing. I was excited to find out the other day that The Beast and Autumn from 21 Day Fix Extreme are getting together and releasing a workout program in December (Beach Body). I'll be first in line for that one!! It will be my reward for completing the 10k.
The last thing that I see right now is an amazing fall. The view from my weekly hike is clear, glowing with warm fall light, and starting to get an edge of crisp on it. I love this time of year. Even if it means the rise of pumpkin spiced everything and arm loads of comfort food that I have to resist.
What does your view look like these days????
Friday, October 16, 2015
Procrastination
In an effort for my brain to avoid typing up my last two term papers that are due tomorrow night, all it will think about is talking points that I have been thinking of for a Final Fifty blog post. So, here I am putting pen to paper (translate fingers to keys) in a feeble attempt to get my brain to go back to thinking about strategic management and its application to my chosen company of Asics tennis shoes. And then for fun after that I am going to write a paper on Volkswagen and the ethical decisions that it made that led up to the emissions scandal and how that is going to affect its position in the marketplace. How bad do you wish you were me right now???
So, we are gonna do this down and dirty style, a list. It has been awhile since we had a list. Yep, a list it is.
1) After I posted that picture of Slack (my puppy) tormenting and mocking me (he lays on his back when I do crunches and rolls over kicks his legs out behind him when I plank) while doing abs yesterday I came to a shocking realization... The thinner my face gets the bigger my teeth are. I have an overbite that I have always been pretty self-conscious about, and apparently I am going to need to gain my weight back in order avoid my mouth being inordinately out of proportion to the rest of my face. Trade-offs suck.
2) I can officially wear regular bras again. So much for my gaining the weight back theory in #1. I have a rather large rib cage that is blessed with a rather small bust. Finding bras to accommodate that scenario when I am overweight is basically impossible. If I find one to fit my cup size, then it cuts into my back horribly and creates no less than two more fat rolls than what actually exist and it won't remain in place. I can now comfortably fit in my old Victoria Secret 36B (loooooooow end of B) bras and they are comfortable, flattering, and don't budge. I always thought I was shaped weird, turns out I was just fat and they don't make pretty, fancy, nice bras for fat chics. They make ugly old sports bras and grandma bras (sorry to all the grandmas out there) that are most likely some form of fat shaming scheme from the lingerie industry. Anyways, lucky me, I can wear real bras again.
3) Fast food. I bet you all think I don't eat fast food anymore. How could I and continue to lose weight??? WRONG. I eat it at least twice a week, sometimes more. I have just found healthy options at the fast food places, I control my portions, and I look for places that make their food from REAL food, not food-like substances. Here are some examples...
4) I am down 13 pounds since I last wrote you guys. That sounds like a lot. This is a good news/bad news deal. Here is why. I swore that I was not going to be slave to the scale. And, honestly I am not. I am much more excited about real bras than I am about the 13 pounds. But, and there is always a but, I did a dance around my bathroom this morning when I saw how much the scale had budged. Then I decided that I didn't believe it and weighed myself again. I guess the moral to this one is that the square piece of electronics in my bathroom still holds a fair amount of psychological power over me. I would like to think it is just a tool in this process, but it still holds the power to make or break my day.
5) I have a problem. A BIG problem. I can't stop buying running clothes. Compression leggings and thin quarter zip shirts with thumb holes are taking over my wardrobe. Old Navy is getting ready to issue me stock instead of shipping me clothes.
6) I am going to be really sad when my Body Beast program is over. I need to find another weight lifting program that I love as much to rotate with it. I feel like I have hit this sweet spot in my workout regime where I have the perfect mix of cardio and weights and it is making me really shed some fat (see#4). I don't want to lose that rhythm. Plus, I really like lifting weights. I like it, I like it a lot.
7) Around my homestead it is officially soup season. Fall=Soup. Fall also = hoodies, flannel pj's, and hibernation level hunger. All I wanna do is EAT. I have to be extra careful this time of year because there are naughty treats and comfort food running around everywhere. Thank goodness I'm not a coffee drinker otherwise pumpkin spice lattes might be taking over my world. I can't help it, I just love all things Fall. Added bonus, it is the only time of year where I can run the heat and the A/C in the house all in the same day. Back to soup. I love it. It is generally easy to make. It is warm and filling. It is a good way to get lots of nutrition with fewer calories. Just be aware of the sodium in soup. It can be bloating. But, making homemade soup is a good way to keep that in check.
Ok, I think that clears out The Final Fifty portion of my brain. I am gonna get back to work on my other stuff now. Unless I can come up with another reason to put it off for an hour... Or two.
Peace out.
So, we are gonna do this down and dirty style, a list. It has been awhile since we had a list. Yep, a list it is.
1) After I posted that picture of Slack (my puppy) tormenting and mocking me (he lays on his back when I do crunches and rolls over kicks his legs out behind him when I plank) while doing abs yesterday I came to a shocking realization... The thinner my face gets the bigger my teeth are. I have an overbite that I have always been pretty self-conscious about, and apparently I am going to need to gain my weight back in order avoid my mouth being inordinately out of proportion to the rest of my face. Trade-offs suck.
2) I can officially wear regular bras again. So much for my gaining the weight back theory in #1. I have a rather large rib cage that is blessed with a rather small bust. Finding bras to accommodate that scenario when I am overweight is basically impossible. If I find one to fit my cup size, then it cuts into my back horribly and creates no less than two more fat rolls than what actually exist and it won't remain in place. I can now comfortably fit in my old Victoria Secret 36B (loooooooow end of B) bras and they are comfortable, flattering, and don't budge. I always thought I was shaped weird, turns out I was just fat and they don't make pretty, fancy, nice bras for fat chics. They make ugly old sports bras and grandma bras (sorry to all the grandmas out there) that are most likely some form of fat shaming scheme from the lingerie industry. Anyways, lucky me, I can wear real bras again.
3) Fast food. I bet you all think I don't eat fast food anymore. How could I and continue to lose weight??? WRONG. I eat it at least twice a week, sometimes more. I have just found healthy options at the fast food places, I control my portions, and I look for places that make their food from REAL food, not food-like substances. Here are some examples...
- Pita Pit. By far my favorite. You get some warmed up lean protein, all the veggies you want, and it is wrapped up in a convenient whole wheat package. The calories are posted right on their menu if you are counting that sort of thing. My favorite is the Chicken Salvaki (sp??).
- Subway. Eat Fresh. Ignore the Jared scandal. Again, lean protein and as many veggies as you want. Downside, bread. I try to limit my Subway experience to once a week. I don't eat bread in any other venue in my life. I'm not saying bread is the anti-Christ, but I do know that I do better the less bread I eat. I do, however, eat Baked Lays. I love them. BBQ, Cheddar, or Sour Cream, I love them all. Bonus, they have the best iced tea on the planet. My usual right now is a steak with no cheese (their cheese doesn't look very real), flatbread, spinach, onions, tomatoes, olives, jalapenoes, yellow peppers, mayo, and sriracha.
- And finally, Jimmy Johns. The Un-wich is the singular greatest creation on the planet. Downside, you don't get a ton of veggie choices at this location. I usually order a #16 (turkey, tomato, bacon) as an Un-wich with double turkey. If I could somehow get Subway to serve Un-wiches, I would be in heaven. Here's another shocker... I eat real mayo at these location. Why? A) I refuse to give up mayo, I just limit my consumption of it. B) I refuse to eat lite mayo. Its gross and who the heck knows what they replace the real ingredients with to make it lite. I'd rather have a little of the good stuff than a ton of the nasty stuff.
4) I am down 13 pounds since I last wrote you guys. That sounds like a lot. This is a good news/bad news deal. Here is why. I swore that I was not going to be slave to the scale. And, honestly I am not. I am much more excited about real bras than I am about the 13 pounds. But, and there is always a but, I did a dance around my bathroom this morning when I saw how much the scale had budged. Then I decided that I didn't believe it and weighed myself again. I guess the moral to this one is that the square piece of electronics in my bathroom still holds a fair amount of psychological power over me. I would like to think it is just a tool in this process, but it still holds the power to make or break my day.
5) I have a problem. A BIG problem. I can't stop buying running clothes. Compression leggings and thin quarter zip shirts with thumb holes are taking over my wardrobe. Old Navy is getting ready to issue me stock instead of shipping me clothes.
6) I am going to be really sad when my Body Beast program is over. I need to find another weight lifting program that I love as much to rotate with it. I feel like I have hit this sweet spot in my workout regime where I have the perfect mix of cardio and weights and it is making me really shed some fat (see#4). I don't want to lose that rhythm. Plus, I really like lifting weights. I like it, I like it a lot.
7) Around my homestead it is officially soup season. Fall=Soup. Fall also = hoodies, flannel pj's, and hibernation level hunger. All I wanna do is EAT. I have to be extra careful this time of year because there are naughty treats and comfort food running around everywhere. Thank goodness I'm not a coffee drinker otherwise pumpkin spice lattes might be taking over my world. I can't help it, I just love all things Fall. Added bonus, it is the only time of year where I can run the heat and the A/C in the house all in the same day. Back to soup. I love it. It is generally easy to make. It is warm and filling. It is a good way to get lots of nutrition with fewer calories. Just be aware of the sodium in soup. It can be bloating. But, making homemade soup is a good way to keep that in check.
Ok, I think that clears out The Final Fifty portion of my brain. I am gonna get back to work on my other stuff now. Unless I can come up with another reason to put it off for an hour... Or two.
Peace out.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Why do I yawn?
You might be wondering if I am about to dive into a diatribe of Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? What makes me yawn? Nope, not even close. I just wanted to check in because I feel like it has been a really, really, really, really long time since I have. And I miss you guys. And I needed a title for this post. I promise it will come into play later.
First off, I would just like to say that I am crazy busy these days, ever so slightly stressed out, and still feeling a little lonely, but I am by and far happy. HAPPY. I hope that you guys are happy too. I feel like the things that I am stressed out about are legitimate things, not trivial things like "What can I eat for lunch that won't instantly add three pounds to my rear end?" Worrying about things like that can not only make you crazy, but it usually makes you feel a little vain and petty which leads to a giant ball of emotion chasing you like Indian Jones in the Temple of Doom. Raise your hand if you are a child of the '80's!!! I am worried about term papers, doing my job to the best of my ability, the best ways to take care of my grandmother, and what trick I should teach my 5 month old puppy next. You know, the important stuff.
Here is how things are going on the fitness front (then we will jump to the oh-so-lovely food front). I am on the last 5 weeks of The Beast by Beach Body. My deepest love for Shaun T still remains, but I have enjoyed The Beast as much as I can possibly enjoy a workout. He has a heavy European accent, talks about himself in the third person, and looks like he could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's younger brother. The only thing that has me in a quandary is that I yawn EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I lift weights. If anyone knows the answer to this phenomenon, I'm all ears. I have also been trying to figure out why I like this workout so much. Is it because I have promptly dropped 12+ pounds since starting it? That doesn't hurt. Is it because it is all weight lifting and I LOVE weight lifting? Sure, it is always good to enjoy what you are doing. Is it because there are no women in it? Holy cow. I have just come to this realization after about 7 weeks of doing this program. There are no women for me to compare myself to. There are no women for me to beat myself up about for not looking like them. There are no women for me to fight against. I am only trying to lift more than my previous self, not the super fine fitness chick on the TV. Two things to take home from this... 1) Stop me if you have heard this one before: Comparison is the thief of joy. The more that we compare ourselves the more we are convinced that we don't measure up and the more miserable we make ourselves in the process. 2) I need to treat every workout as though there are no other chicks. Not because the chicks are bad or because a little competition is bad, but because my fragile ego can't handle it. Recognizing that, admitting it, and working around it will make me more successful in the long run. For now, I am going to continue to BEAST UP! Plus the guys on the video are muscle bound and beautiful, how can I go wrong? The running. Ahhhhh, the running. So, since we last talked I completed a 5k. Not a huge deal except for the fact that I ran in front of people and I averaged an 8 1/2 minute mile. I surprised myself. It was the color run. If you get the chance in your area, I recommend it, it was great fun and as an added bonus you will have a neon blue armpit for at least a week and will blow sparkly boogers for no less than three days. It has spurred me on to sign up for a 10k. It isn't until December so I feel like I have given myself plenty of time to train. I am sticking with my 3-4 days a weeks running schedule and slowly increasing my distance and always working on min/mile time. I can't help but wonder if I like the running because it is solitary as well. The only person I am trying to beat is myself. I'm sensing a theme to my fitness regimes. I welcome any training advice that you experienced runners may have (Mandi & Jenna this means you). Any tips on form would be awesome too. I can't help but think that I could be doing better by myself in that department. That's about it for fitness, just a lifting and a running. Lifting and a running.
Food. Oh, blessed food. I feel like I am on auto pilot these days in the food department. This can be a dangerous place because you can comfortably slip into old habits. But, for right now, I am focusing on eating clean, keeping my portions in check, and not depriving myself when special occasions arise. I am trying not to do too much work out to food comparison math. I don't want it to take over my brain to the point where I am obsessing. I still eat Subway, I still have the occasional alcoholic beverage, I still love jerky. My new favorite is Buffalo Chicken Jerky. It makes my heart sing. I have honestly been more hungry the past few weeks. I am blaming this on a couple things. The weather is cooling off and being the bear that I am I am trying to hibernate. Next, I have upped my training. I am running farther and lifting heavier. I think my body is trying to compensate for that. The trick is to not give into that. I have to continue to keep my portions in check, continue to eat whole foods as much as possible, and I have to listen to my body. If I am a little more hungry, I can add in another healthy snack during the day. I don't need to eat two dinners. Like I said, I am trying not to obsess, just sticking to the simple rules and tuning in to what my gut is actually telling me. Oh, and drinking more water than imaginable. It is easy to back off of the water when the weather cools down, don't do it! Drink more!!
Some interesting food choices that I have been making lately... My Canadian bestie made me lunch one day when I visited her. It was a salad with grated beets, grated carrots, quinoa, mushrooms, and a lovely dressing that has a nutritional yeast base. Who says a salad has to have lettuce? I have been adding back more beets in my diet since then. I have also made a big batch of quinoa to keep in the fridge. I quite like it. It has been a handy little additive for salads and what not. I have found that if I keep a batch of plant protein in the fridge (quinoa, garbanzos, etc.) it makes making dinner at the end of a week day a lot easier. Who knew?
My goals right now are drifting away from just losing weight. I still need to do that. Or losing FAT I should say. If you put a gun to my head I would tell you I have 60 pounds left to go. Most people would tell me that is crazy. I am a deceivingly dense being. I am honestly more worried about being prepped for my 10k. I am working towards boy push-ups and unassisted pull-ups. I want to be in these smoking hot jeans that I bought before I go to NFR and Las Vegas the second week of December. My goals are less about fighting the scale and more about making improvements. I don't actually hate my body right now. It has a gut, the arms are still a little flabby, and my legs are still tree trunks (but they are tree trunks that are starting to show definition). But, BIG BUT, this body carries me for 5.5 miles at a run, it does increasingly heavier squats and bicep curls, it feels pretty darn good once it gets past the morning wake up stiffness. I have to believe that these goals are good ones. Healthy ones. Potentially fun ones.
So, there you have it. I yawn, for why I don't know?
Thanks for tuning in!!!
P.S. This Funny Fat Chic is throwing out a challenge. If any of you get trained up and successfully run The Hot Chocolate Run with me in December I will personally put $100 towards new running shoes for you. Consider yourselves challenged.
First off, I would just like to say that I am crazy busy these days, ever so slightly stressed out, and still feeling a little lonely, but I am by and far happy. HAPPY. I hope that you guys are happy too. I feel like the things that I am stressed out about are legitimate things, not trivial things like "What can I eat for lunch that won't instantly add three pounds to my rear end?" Worrying about things like that can not only make you crazy, but it usually makes you feel a little vain and petty which leads to a giant ball of emotion chasing you like Indian Jones in the Temple of Doom. Raise your hand if you are a child of the '80's!!! I am worried about term papers, doing my job to the best of my ability, the best ways to take care of my grandmother, and what trick I should teach my 5 month old puppy next. You know, the important stuff.
Here is how things are going on the fitness front (then we will jump to the oh-so-lovely food front). I am on the last 5 weeks of The Beast by Beach Body. My deepest love for Shaun T still remains, but I have enjoyed The Beast as much as I can possibly enjoy a workout. He has a heavy European accent, talks about himself in the third person, and looks like he could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's younger brother. The only thing that has me in a quandary is that I yawn EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I lift weights. If anyone knows the answer to this phenomenon, I'm all ears. I have also been trying to figure out why I like this workout so much. Is it because I have promptly dropped 12+ pounds since starting it? That doesn't hurt. Is it because it is all weight lifting and I LOVE weight lifting? Sure, it is always good to enjoy what you are doing. Is it because there are no women in it? Holy cow. I have just come to this realization after about 7 weeks of doing this program. There are no women for me to compare myself to. There are no women for me to beat myself up about for not looking like them. There are no women for me to fight against. I am only trying to lift more than my previous self, not the super fine fitness chick on the TV. Two things to take home from this... 1) Stop me if you have heard this one before: Comparison is the thief of joy. The more that we compare ourselves the more we are convinced that we don't measure up and the more miserable we make ourselves in the process. 2) I need to treat every workout as though there are no other chicks. Not because the chicks are bad or because a little competition is bad, but because my fragile ego can't handle it. Recognizing that, admitting it, and working around it will make me more successful in the long run. For now, I am going to continue to BEAST UP! Plus the guys on the video are muscle bound and beautiful, how can I go wrong? The running. Ahhhhh, the running. So, since we last talked I completed a 5k. Not a huge deal except for the fact that I ran in front of people and I averaged an 8 1/2 minute mile. I surprised myself. It was the color run. If you get the chance in your area, I recommend it, it was great fun and as an added bonus you will have a neon blue armpit for at least a week and will blow sparkly boogers for no less than three days. It has spurred me on to sign up for a 10k. It isn't until December so I feel like I have given myself plenty of time to train. I am sticking with my 3-4 days a weeks running schedule and slowly increasing my distance and always working on min/mile time. I can't help but wonder if I like the running because it is solitary as well. The only person I am trying to beat is myself. I'm sensing a theme to my fitness regimes. I welcome any training advice that you experienced runners may have (Mandi & Jenna this means you). Any tips on form would be awesome too. I can't help but think that I could be doing better by myself in that department. That's about it for fitness, just a lifting and a running. Lifting and a running.
Food. Oh, blessed food. I feel like I am on auto pilot these days in the food department. This can be a dangerous place because you can comfortably slip into old habits. But, for right now, I am focusing on eating clean, keeping my portions in check, and not depriving myself when special occasions arise. I am trying not to do too much work out to food comparison math. I don't want it to take over my brain to the point where I am obsessing. I still eat Subway, I still have the occasional alcoholic beverage, I still love jerky. My new favorite is Buffalo Chicken Jerky. It makes my heart sing. I have honestly been more hungry the past few weeks. I am blaming this on a couple things. The weather is cooling off and being the bear that I am I am trying to hibernate. Next, I have upped my training. I am running farther and lifting heavier. I think my body is trying to compensate for that. The trick is to not give into that. I have to continue to keep my portions in check, continue to eat whole foods as much as possible, and I have to listen to my body. If I am a little more hungry, I can add in another healthy snack during the day. I don't need to eat two dinners. Like I said, I am trying not to obsess, just sticking to the simple rules and tuning in to what my gut is actually telling me. Oh, and drinking more water than imaginable. It is easy to back off of the water when the weather cools down, don't do it! Drink more!!
Some interesting food choices that I have been making lately... My Canadian bestie made me lunch one day when I visited her. It was a salad with grated beets, grated carrots, quinoa, mushrooms, and a lovely dressing that has a nutritional yeast base. Who says a salad has to have lettuce? I have been adding back more beets in my diet since then. I have also made a big batch of quinoa to keep in the fridge. I quite like it. It has been a handy little additive for salads and what not. I have found that if I keep a batch of plant protein in the fridge (quinoa, garbanzos, etc.) it makes making dinner at the end of a week day a lot easier. Who knew?
My goals right now are drifting away from just losing weight. I still need to do that. Or losing FAT I should say. If you put a gun to my head I would tell you I have 60 pounds left to go. Most people would tell me that is crazy. I am a deceivingly dense being. I am honestly more worried about being prepped for my 10k. I am working towards boy push-ups and unassisted pull-ups. I want to be in these smoking hot jeans that I bought before I go to NFR and Las Vegas the second week of December. My goals are less about fighting the scale and more about making improvements. I don't actually hate my body right now. It has a gut, the arms are still a little flabby, and my legs are still tree trunks (but they are tree trunks that are starting to show definition). But, BIG BUT, this body carries me for 5.5 miles at a run, it does increasingly heavier squats and bicep curls, it feels pretty darn good once it gets past the morning wake up stiffness. I have to believe that these goals are good ones. Healthy ones. Potentially fun ones.
So, there you have it. I yawn, for why I don't know?
Thanks for tuning in!!!
P.S. This Funny Fat Chic is throwing out a challenge. If any of you get trained up and successfully run The Hot Chocolate Run with me in December I will personally put $100 towards new running shoes for you. Consider yourselves challenged.
Monday, August 3, 2015
The Importance of Failure
This is somewhat unrelated to this blog... But if I really think about it, it's not.
I had to write an admissions essay for the NNU masters program over the weekend. They give you a quote and you have to display your analytical writing skills in a one to two page essay. It was about how you have to fail to learn. I applied it to my professional life, but why doesn't that same theory apply to all the areas of your life. I know I haven't really admitted it, but I have been feeling like I have been failing in my weight (no, FAT) loss journey as of late. I feel like I have let little things sneak back into my life. A weekend cheat day has slipped into 2 or three days. One skipped workout leads to two, regardless of the reason. You know, little things like that. The things that eventually add up to no results or a slump, and if you really don't get it in check, weight (no, FAT) gain. The past couple weeks I have cracked down on my eating. Portion size. Water intake. Clean foods. And you know what, when I went pants shopping yesterday, I have dropped a pants size. I didn't jump on the scale because I didn't want to ruin the moment, but by striving past failure, I made a difference in my body. Below is a copy of my essay. See how it can pertain to you and your life. The quotes that are in it should be read over a couple times to absorb all of their value. Enjoy...
My NNU Admissions Essay:
I had to write an admissions essay for the NNU masters program over the weekend. They give you a quote and you have to display your analytical writing skills in a one to two page essay. It was about how you have to fail to learn. I applied it to my professional life, but why doesn't that same theory apply to all the areas of your life. I know I haven't really admitted it, but I have been feeling like I have been failing in my weight (no, FAT) loss journey as of late. I feel like I have let little things sneak back into my life. A weekend cheat day has slipped into 2 or three days. One skipped workout leads to two, regardless of the reason. You know, little things like that. The things that eventually add up to no results or a slump, and if you really don't get it in check, weight (no, FAT) gain. The past couple weeks I have cracked down on my eating. Portion size. Water intake. Clean foods. And you know what, when I went pants shopping yesterday, I have dropped a pants size. I didn't jump on the scale because I didn't want to ruin the moment, but by striving past failure, I made a difference in my body. Below is a copy of my essay. See how it can pertain to you and your life. The quotes that are in it should be read over a couple times to absorb all of their value. Enjoy...
My NNU Admissions Essay:
To
learn, fail… If nothing ever breaks, you don’t really know how strong it is.
Strike out fear of failure… Reward success and failure equally-punish
inactivity.
~David
Kelley, IDEO
I believe that one good quote
deserves another. The quote from David Kelley brought a celebrated speech to
mind. Theodore Roosevelt spoke of individual citizenship in Paris, France in
1910. He was challenging leaders of democracies to hold their standards high in
an attempt to elevate society as a whole. Lead by example, if you will. He
knocked the legs out from under the pedestal of the privileged man and uplifted
the man that earned his place in society with failures and triumphs. He
emphasized the importance of the everyday man (and woman) that make up the bulk
of society. He made claim to the fact that the extremes in the sense of
individualism versus socialism both fall short of society’s needs and that a middle
ground is where we should lie. While he uttered these words over a hundred
years ago, the intent behind them still holds true today. Here is the portion of his speech that is most
applicable here:
It
is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man
stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit
belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by the
dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short
again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but
who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasm, the great
devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the
end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at
least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those
cold and timid souls who neither know victory or defeat.
~Theodore
Roosevelt
The theme between these two quotes
is the importance of failure. How do we get to an elevated state of failure?
How do we get to that place where we either learn from a scenario with a less
than expected outcome or a place where we see better the value of victory
because we intimately know the ache of defeat? Effort. Valiant effort is the
not only the path to valuable failure, but it is also the path to strength in
victory. The point of both of these quotes is that passivity will obtain no
results. You will not succeed, learn, nor fail by taking a course of inaction.
Both Kelley and Roosevelt allude to point of action as being what is notable.
Action is what positions people to succeed, learn, or fail. Being handed
something freely never has the same impact as earning it honestly. Failing can
drive you to try harder, or approach smarter, until you do obtain your
something. Everyone has a something they want to have in their hand.
My something is being able to make
the most meaningful impact on society in a way that fully employs my skill set,
ambitions, and intellect. Furthering my education is the first step towards
realizing this something. I have not spent my life having things handed to me,
but I may not have always directed myself towards a path that would make full
use of my abilities. I try hard at everything that I do. When I fail, I fail
big. When I win, I win big. Those victories and achievements are always sweeter
because I made the effort to fail in the past. Bad luck is not the sum of
failure. But neither is lack of effort, at least not in my case. Sometimes we
need that failure to show us the correct direction to focus our energies, luck
or no luck. Some might think that I decided to make a 180 degree turn in my
life during my mid-thirties. I don’t believe that in the least. I think that
the jobs that I have had, the education I have undergone, the relationships I
have made and lost have all led me to this point. I am on the course that I
have chosen all along the way. I have not been passive; I have not been
treading lightly. I have been working to get to this point. Going through the
master’s program at NNU is something that I desperately want the chance to fail
at. However, I have no intentions of failing. I have every intention of being
the enthusiastically devoted person in the arena that wants to find out exactly
what my outer limits are. I have every intention of finding out precisely how
strong I am and how that strength can be put forth to better not only myself,
but to better society as a whole.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Playing catch up...
Ummmmm, where have you been Funny Fat Chic???
Its been a busy few weeks. That seems to be the case for everyone this summer. Between work, extracurricular activities, and trying to make the best possible use of the extra daylight hours, it seems like everyone I run into is operating on autopilot and in a hurry. And that is why I love summer. I love to be busy.
So, me, what have I been doing?
Well, I turned 35 a couple weeks ago. It was basically no big deal. Which, as you get older, is exactly what birthdays should be. I felt pretty good about it. I ran 4 miles at lunch that day. That is something that I couldn't even dream of doing when I was turning 34. That has to be some kind of marker that all my hard work has not been for naught. Is that how you say that? Not for nothing? Whatever, you get the idea.
I took last week off from running. I know that this seems to conflict with the epic accomplishments of the previous paragraph, but its ok to take a break sometimes. I had a summer cold. It involved snot, labored breathing, and a fever. I decided it was as good a reason as any to take a little break. I still did the final week of my P90X3. I added in some Natalie Jill workouts from her phone app (which is actually very cool). I am feeling much better this week and I would be ready to get back to running if it weren't for my latent softball injury from this past weekend. WHAT?!?!?! Yep, I hurt my knee running to first base. I heard a decent "SNAP" and then I was non-weight bearing for a few minutes. It doesn't really hurt at all, but if I fully extend it, it just won't hold. I'm going to give it the week. I ordered a brace that should be here Wednesday and we'll see how it holds up next week.
You may have noticed that I said the last week of P90X3. Yep, Tony Horton and I are no longer dating. All in all, I lost 12 pounds in the 3 months with Tony. My inches didn't make any drastic changes. I would like to think that my inches are a little more firm than flab now, but who knows, really. My lackluster results are not all the program's fault. It is BBQ and beer season, both of which play hell with my ability to lose weight. I would recommend this program to anyone who would like to get a formidable strength workout in on a time budget. I would recommend it for any one that would like to be able to do a pull-up or chin-up. I would recommend it for anyone that understands the Three Stooges humor.
I am starting Body Beast today. I wanted to do it in conjunction with my running. I guess I got the cart a little before the horse. I'll let you know what I think. The instructor is new to me. I had a really hard time not rushing back to Shaun T. Insanity Max 30 is next on my list. I miss Shaun T and his uncanny ability to talk about himself in the third person. I think Body Beast will be a great strength trainer. I think that Insanity Max 30 will be a great way to lose weight.
Speaking of losing weight. I read a great article the other day. Why are we all trying to lose weight? If you were a fit size 5 that could do anything physically you wanted to but weighed 280 pounds, would you care? If you were a size 20 and never wanted to get off of the couch but only weighed 130 pounds, would you feel good about yourself? So why are we so hung up on weight? We need to lose fat. Not weight. We need to put less of our eggs in the scale basket and more in the healthy basket. I was a little disappointed at the 12 pounds I lost on P90X3, but why? Of course, its because I want to be skinny and pretty. Guess what... Back in the day when I weighed quite a bit less than I do now, whenever I stepped on my scale, it NEVER one time told me I was pretty. It never applauded the number it flashed at me. It couldn't tell that while I was 60 pounds lighter than I am now, I could only do about half of what I can now physically. So, that is my new creed. I am losing fat and not losing weight. Will I still weigh in? Probably. But I hold less stock in it today than I did yesterday. It carries a lot less weight with me (get it?).
Other than that I have been up to my same old summer antics... shooting weddings, attending concerts, road tripping every chance I get, and of course, working. August looks to be more of the same. The weather has been mild, the people have been awesome, and well, as usual, life is good.
Its been a busy few weeks. That seems to be the case for everyone this summer. Between work, extracurricular activities, and trying to make the best possible use of the extra daylight hours, it seems like everyone I run into is operating on autopilot and in a hurry. And that is why I love summer. I love to be busy.
So, me, what have I been doing?
Well, I turned 35 a couple weeks ago. It was basically no big deal. Which, as you get older, is exactly what birthdays should be. I felt pretty good about it. I ran 4 miles at lunch that day. That is something that I couldn't even dream of doing when I was turning 34. That has to be some kind of marker that all my hard work has not been for naught. Is that how you say that? Not for nothing? Whatever, you get the idea.
I took last week off from running. I know that this seems to conflict with the epic accomplishments of the previous paragraph, but its ok to take a break sometimes. I had a summer cold. It involved snot, labored breathing, and a fever. I decided it was as good a reason as any to take a little break. I still did the final week of my P90X3. I added in some Natalie Jill workouts from her phone app (which is actually very cool). I am feeling much better this week and I would be ready to get back to running if it weren't for my latent softball injury from this past weekend. WHAT?!?!?! Yep, I hurt my knee running to first base. I heard a decent "SNAP" and then I was non-weight bearing for a few minutes. It doesn't really hurt at all, but if I fully extend it, it just won't hold. I'm going to give it the week. I ordered a brace that should be here Wednesday and we'll see how it holds up next week.
You may have noticed that I said the last week of P90X3. Yep, Tony Horton and I are no longer dating. All in all, I lost 12 pounds in the 3 months with Tony. My inches didn't make any drastic changes. I would like to think that my inches are a little more firm than flab now, but who knows, really. My lackluster results are not all the program's fault. It is BBQ and beer season, both of which play hell with my ability to lose weight. I would recommend this program to anyone who would like to get a formidable strength workout in on a time budget. I would recommend it for any one that would like to be able to do a pull-up or chin-up. I would recommend it for anyone that understands the Three Stooges humor.
I am starting Body Beast today. I wanted to do it in conjunction with my running. I guess I got the cart a little before the horse. I'll let you know what I think. The instructor is new to me. I had a really hard time not rushing back to Shaun T. Insanity Max 30 is next on my list. I miss Shaun T and his uncanny ability to talk about himself in the third person. I think Body Beast will be a great strength trainer. I think that Insanity Max 30 will be a great way to lose weight.
Speaking of losing weight. I read a great article the other day. Why are we all trying to lose weight? If you were a fit size 5 that could do anything physically you wanted to but weighed 280 pounds, would you care? If you were a size 20 and never wanted to get off of the couch but only weighed 130 pounds, would you feel good about yourself? So why are we so hung up on weight? We need to lose fat. Not weight. We need to put less of our eggs in the scale basket and more in the healthy basket. I was a little disappointed at the 12 pounds I lost on P90X3, but why? Of course, its because I want to be skinny and pretty. Guess what... Back in the day when I weighed quite a bit less than I do now, whenever I stepped on my scale, it NEVER one time told me I was pretty. It never applauded the number it flashed at me. It couldn't tell that while I was 60 pounds lighter than I am now, I could only do about half of what I can now physically. So, that is my new creed. I am losing fat and not losing weight. Will I still weigh in? Probably. But I hold less stock in it today than I did yesterday. It carries a lot less weight with me (get it?).
Other than that I have been up to my same old summer antics... shooting weddings, attending concerts, road tripping every chance I get, and of course, working. August looks to be more of the same. The weather has been mild, the people have been awesome, and well, as usual, life is good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)