The highs and lows of weight loss.

I am starting to think that this will never end. I have been fighting the weight demon for 35 years now. That is quite a career. It is a roller coaster of a ride that goes from emotional high to emotional low without much contentment in between.

Why so melancholy Funny Fat Chic?

A couple things have happened in the last week. I can do a happy dance because instead of my sizes having multiple Xs in front of them, some, if not all are just a good 'ole plain L. That is kinda cool. I have some cute clothes that I bought the last time I lost weight but I ballooned back up before I fit into them that I can now wear. VICTORY! A short-lived one though.

I have a vacation planned in December. It is a bucket list trip and I could not be more excited about it. Where I'm going, the people I'm going with, it could not be planned more perfectly. I tried on jeans this week. Jeans that I just knew I could get into before this trip. Here I am 30 days out and they absolutely DO NOT fit. No ifs ands or buts about it. <Insert sigh of defeat> Why on God's green earth after all this time, all this work, and all that I have accomplished do I still let myself be defined by the size of my pants?????? But I do. I took the pile of jeans out of the storage tub that they were in and put them in my room on a bench at the foot of my bed so that they would be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. A big 'ole pile of shame. I'm sure that will be effective (she says dripping with sarcasm). It is like I feel the need to punish myself for not getting there in time.

Here is the take away from this. We (or at least I) do not have full control of my body. Even though I have set a goal, maybe an unrealistic one, that doesn't mean that my body has the same plan. I'm not as young as I used to be so weight loss is a little slower process. I refuse to take any weight loss supplements because I know that their effects are not lasting or healthy. I also refuse to starve myself this time. I am eating an appropriate amount of calories in the form of clean, whole foods that nourish me and support my current activities. So, I am going to run 7.5 miles today. I am going to lift weights. I am going to stay consistent and strong through the holidays. I am not going to let that pile of jeans depress me into eating badly and giving up. I like the feeling of accomplishment I am getting by reaching fitness goals, even if my pants size isn't willing to be a reward for me. Highs to lows, contentment must be in there somewhere.