In case you need a reason...

There are many talented fat people in this world. In my mind fat does not affect brain function, I'm sure someone can site a study that says otherwise, but bear with me. I would even venture out on a limb and say that it is somewhat like losing a sense. Can't see?? I bet you hear great! Too heavy to run a mile?? I bet you have an amazing sense of self-deprecating humor and are quick on the wit draw!! How's that for logic? It's a self-defense mechanism you employ because no one enjoys a surly fat person, nothing fun to look at or be around. I find that many overweight people are quick witted and seemingly intelligent. We have opted to exercise our brains instead of our bodies. Which is a bit of a lie, when I exercise my body my brain seems to fire a little better, whether I like to admit that or not. It leads into what all fat people's biggest talent is, LYING. Now, if you ask me a direct question I could no sooner tell you a believable lie than I could do a cart wheel (I'm not that coordinated, even when I'm skinny). But if I feel like eating, I can lie to myself all day long, and night too if need be. Here is a handy little list of reasons to eat, you know, in case you need a new one to add to your own personal list of lies... Added bonus, some of them are even seasonal.

• Feeling sad... Wouldn't a bowl of ice cream with all the trimmings pick you up??
• Angry... Want to punch someone in the face?? Put something, anything in your mouth, it will keep you from saying something you might regret later.
• No one to kiss on New Year's when the ball drops... Feel free to make out with that plate of loaded nachos.
• Little lonely at night... Why wouldn't some buttery popcorn make for good company.
• Something bad happen today... Let that macaroni and cheese soothe your soul.
• Bad day at work and its only noon... How 'bout a foot long Buffalo Chicken Sandwich with extra buffalo sauce to burn away your troubles.
• Its a party!! Everyone loves a party!! What's that... the appetizer table? Nothing says party like an appetizer.
• Family getting together?? Can yours cook their asses off?? Mine sure can, not to mention all the emotional eating that goes along with family.
• Been working out regular? Body feeling hungry from all the new exertion? You must need some extra calories, for fuel you know... Seconds? Yes, please.
• Thanksgiving, its a whole holiday dedicated to eating, I wouldn't want to feel sacrilegious by not partaking to my fullest, and I mean fullest.
• Whoops, had a slip up on the diet, I'm sure its totally blown, I might as well go eat what I really want... A Ruben with twice dipped onion rings.
• Summer coming and still not looking bathing suit ready even though there isn't any bodies of water around for hundreds of miles, don't worry, nothing a good burger can't fix.
• Mind racing, don't know what to do with yourself, you just need a little something to keep you occupied, by all means, keep your mouth busy instead of your body.
• Oh man, I haven't eaten all day, I better empty the cupboards before all this stuff goes bad.
• Look at the line on the edge of that cut pie, I'm just gonna straighten that out. Nope, still a little off, I better fix that. Who ate all the pie?

Well, anyways, you get the gist. Fat people's greatest talent is no doubt lying, not to others, but to themselves. It pretty much snowballs once this cycle starts, so I am convinced that step one, is not starting. Whoa man, is that ever hard. I'm working on it, good luck if you are too.

P.S. None of the above reasons are good or legitimate ones to eat, but I bet a few sound familiar and even a little legitimate.