This Means WAR!!!

I saw a repost on Facebook yesterday that said, "You know what I got for Christmas? FAT, that's what I got, I got FAT!" It was adorably placed over an extremely overweight cat sitting there like a blob after it probably just cleaned it's own hind end. Well, kids, here is me, the fat cat that got even more fat for Christmas. It wasn't just Christmas, it was Thanksgiving, the couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, and the month before that... I didn't just get fat last week, much as I would like to think that is true. Don't get me wrong, I have had some fun the past few months. It is fun to drink with my buddies. It's fun to cook naughty food for friends/family. You know what's not fun, the anxiety I feel every time I go to get dressed, praying that my pants will still fit. It's not fun to get hit on by the over 40, overweight, DJ at the local watering hole because I'm still just fat enough to attract that guy. It isn't fun to realize that you are back to being the fat friend at the Christmas parties. It's not fun to daily break promises I make to myself. So, today I waged war. It has been about 2 years since I initially took a stand against my fat, my fat lifestyle, and my fat mindset. That is approximately the exact timeline of when I fell off my fat wagon the last time I lost 100+ pounds. Does history repeat itself?? You bet your sweet patooty it does! But not here, not this time. I can't tell you exactly how much I have gained back because it has been so long since I stepped on my scale I didn't know that the battery was dead. So, when I went to get a starting weight this morning I was surprised/relieved that my scale didn't work. I can, however, tell you that my size 12 pants are tight. Like I should probably consider myself a 14. I am maxing out that little bit of spandex they put in jeans these days. I can tell you that I feel my belly jiggle when I drive down a bumpy road. I can tell you that I notice my spare tire when I sit down. I can tell you that my arm jiggle is rearing it's ugly head when I lift my arms while doing my make-up. I can tell you my face is a little rounder. I can tell you that I feel fat. End of story. Time to actually get serious, not just talk about getting serious. The good news is, I am waging war before I actually have to buy size 14 pants. I am waging war before I have 100+ pounds to lose. I am waging war before New Year's (why wait??). I am waging war before it is T-shirt/tank top season. I am juicing again. I am going to go one month and see how I feel. I'll decide then if I want to do the second month or not. I may switch to eating clean then, or I may forge ahead for four more weeks, stay tuned. As I write this in the afternoon of day one, I can say this. I already feel a little better. I had a slight headache this morning, but that could be a hangover from the grand food send off I so lovingly gave myself last night. I expect my face to break out this week. I expect my skin to look great the week after that. I expect about week three I will get a cold. I expect to lose some inches. I'm adjusting to the juicing for the weekend and I am restarting T-25 on Monday morning. I'm taking my horse to a place where I can ride her tomorrow. I am setting these routines before my classes start again. School/work/photography/holidays have been my priorities the past few months. I got some great things done in those areas. I aced my class, I have some happy photography clients, I'm still gainfully employed. For this next month, those things are gonna get set down a notch on my priority list, one notch behind MY HEALTH. If I'm not healthy, nothing else matters. My war decree. I have been so wrapped up in "being busy" that I have not only let my ass slide, but I have been just existing in my home as well. I waged war on the house today. I started in the kitchen, overhauled the fridge, made a weeks worth of juice, mopped, had laundry going all the while. Living room next. Mail/catalogs/random papers got trashed, blinds got washed, couch got vacuumed, floor got mopped. That's right, I went to battle and won. Not tooting my horn, more like, a shameful admission of how I let stuff go. I'm calling it quits for today, tomorrow is my room and the room of indecision. Look out, I'm on the war path and I'm not quitting until the house and my ass look a lot more presentable. December 28, Day 1 of the Final Fifty World War II.

Shame on me, I let myself forget.

So, today, long over due mind you, I got back to working out. First off, I let myself go a little which was readily evident by my bouncing midsection and tousling thighs. Second, I was out of air in short work, and I mean OUT. OF. AIR. Lastly, when it was all over, I felt A-MAZING. I let myself forget how good it feels to workout. I have been psyching myself out about how much work it was gonna be again to get back on the exercise wagon that I forgot all the good stuff. And, believe you me, there is good stuff. Shame on me. Big time. Time to rectify this situation. I wanna wear leggings by Christmas, and get back to doing boy push-ups, and rock a burpee, and not exercising is not gonna get me there. Go T-25!! Which, by the way, so far, I am impressed with. That is all.

Be where you are when you are there.

How's that for a confusing, slightly Confucius title??? This is going to be a little bit convoluted post and I will try to tie it into eating/exercising/and being a fat kid by the end, but bare with me in the mean time.

I have not only made some major life changes in the past year (year and a half), but I have also made some major life decisions, and have also had some major life thrown at me. As a result, if you know me, I some what resemble a chicken with her head cut off. I am basically chasing my tail every where I go. Normally, I would deal with this by eating, lots and lots of eating. And don't get me wrong, I still do my fair share. But, here is a little something I have been trying to do lately.... I have a pretty darn type-A personality. I like to be in control and I like for things to be perfect. So, giving something a half-hearted effort just isn't in my nature. It bothers me. Missing a deadline nearly kills me. Being out of commission because I am sick does nothing but fuel me with anger. So, right now I am working full-time, going back to school, riding/training two horses with others that need cared for at home, and moonlighting as a photographer. This is a lot for me. Some people may be able to breeze through with this schedule and not look back, but for me, it is a load. I find myself or at least my brain trying to be in all these places at the same time. As a result, I am not focused on what I am doing when I am doing it. I have crazy dreams about work where everything is falling apart, or I forgot to do something critical for a patient (I work at a horse hospital), or even worse, I dream that I get fired. Which in all honesty could be a blessing in disguise, but I just can't afford it right now. I am doing well in school, but I seriously am just waiting for the shoe to drop. I can't keep this up forever, can I??? I am a little behind in my photo processing, but I refuse to stress about it. What I have left are two weddings that I didn't charge for so at this point I feel like they are getting what they paid for. Sounds cold, but I gotta draw the line somewhere. So, you ask, what about a social life??? I am a social creature. I have close friends that I love and cherish and don't want them to get the shaft. So, I am working that in the mix too. Balance is important, no, balance is vital. And my family. Let's not leave them behind. So, finally here is the thing I have been trying to do. When I am at a place, let's say work, I try to just be at work. I try not to worry about school unless its lunch and I can squeeze it in. When I am at school, its all school. No FB, no worrying about work, no stressing over pictures, no guilty feelings about friends or family. When I am riding, I try to stay focused on my horse, not let my mind drift, think about each step she is making and how I am directing it. When I am with my friends, I enjoy every minute of them. I try to beat back thoughts of all the things I NEED to be getting done, and just be with them. When I am with my family, I listen to how their day was, try to be in the room with them, not racing around in my mind trying to do more than I should. This is not an easy process for me. I like to be going a million directions, I thrive on it, I do better under pressure. But, I have myself at a maxed out point where I am going to be picking quantity over quality and that just isn't my style. I want to be good at the things I am doing and I want the people that I am with to know that I am with them. I don't want to be so stressed that all I can think about is eating. Give it a try. Try just doing one thing at a time. See how it feels. I'm not saying there won't be times where you need to be multi-tasking and putting to use your super-human powers, I'm just saying don't overuse them. There may be a limit on them. Take time to do what you are doing right. Be where you are when you are there. Don't miss out because your body is in one place and your head is in another.

WHAT was I thinking???

What, I repeat, WHAT was I thinking??? I told you guys that I was going to work for my old boss for a couple of weeks (taking vacation from my current job to do so), and that it was gonna be kinda sorta hard. I am currently in the midst of that two week stint. I had to come home for four days to go back to class and I am heading back down tonight. But, just for fun, I thought I would run a 5k the morning after I got home. You know, instead of resting up for the next challenging week, go run a race. Right now you are probably thinking, well that's good, Funny Fat Chic has been running, good for her, maybe I should run too! Ha! Pfffft! Don't kid yourself. I opted to run the 5k with no training what-so-ever. As in I ran not one step for the couple of months prior to this 5k unless I was chasing a food truck of some kind. I realize that a 5k shouldn't require a lot of training, but some previous running may have been helpful. When we arrived the vast majority of the people there looked like they had been running before the race. Not running like right before the race, but maybe like they had been running several, if not many consecutive days prior to the race in a preparation of sorts for this particular day. There was one gal in particular that I will never forget her backside, as in I got a really good look at it due to the fact that she out ran me quite handily and I only got a look at her backside. She had long, toned legs, not short chubby ones like mine, a tight back that would look great in any bra, not like mine where I am continually trying to camouflage my back fat, and her arms were ripped, not rippling in the wind with every step like my own. While I will never have her height or length of leg, I aspire to be her, she is motivation.  I won't lie, I made it through, I ran the hills, I even ran and then went back for my friend and walked with her when she was feeling a little winded. So, I did it, and I felt like ass later (sorry for the language, but seriously, I felt like ass), and I ate onions rings after to make up for the whopping 75 calories I probably burned on that 3-point-whatever miles. So, I was considering it a wake up call, not that I didn't already have intentions to get rolling on the exercise wagon again anyways, but my readily apparent out of shape-ness on that little jaunt was pretty clear. Then it happened. I mean IT happened. They posted the race pictures. You know, in case you wanted to see yourself and all your out of shape glory attempting to pretend to jog up a hill... On the Internet... For all the world to see, not just me. So, there I am jogging with my incredibly adorable friend and what's that jogging with us??? Oh, yes, it's my gut. My bouncing, odd ball, ever present, spare tire. Illuminating itself through my brand new race t-shit, as if mocking the entire set-up. My gut was like, "Hey guys, see me, I'm not racing anyone, not even myself. How ironic that this race shirt even fits over me." OK, if I wasn't awake enough, those pictures did it for me. Color me back to exercising as soon as I get home from Reno. Lookout core, you're gonna be sore. Expect to see T-25 updates on this here blog. Expect to see less of me the next time you see me. Expect results. 'Cause here is the thing, I did that race and I made it, and I did fine, and a year ago, year and a half, that wouldn't of been true, but I have stalemated, and that isn't fair to me. Time to finish this thing. I know I will always struggle a bit, but I don't want to be fearful or ashamed of pictures of myself popping up somewhere. I want to be happy that I did it and looked good doing it. That's what I want. I want all the other stuff too, healthy habits, good to great fitness, etc. But deep down I want what we all want, I want to look good doing it. No more pushing snooze on this alarm clock, it's time to get down to business!!

P.S. I am VERY happy I did that race. It was good quality time with my friend and good gauge for me to see where I am really at. I don't regret a second of it, even if it means my gut made an Internet debut.

I may be becoming a bear...

A bear, why a bear? Am I growing a furry coat? A short stubby tail?? Have I taken a $#!& in the woods??? The answer is NO to all of the above. What makes me bear-like is my current state of hunger which can only be likened to a creature getting ready for a long winter with deep hibernation and my attitude of late which can be described as nothing short of bad. Very bad attitude. So what the heck is going on. When in doubt, blog about it!!

We'll go alphabetical, attitude first. I have myself a little overextended. And when I say a little, I mean that I have finally and officially bitten off more than I can chew. And in an attempt to help out a friend, I have signed up to drive myself over the edge by working for them out of town for the next two weeks. Which basically means that I will be putting my life (aka unending responsibilities) on hold for the next two weeks. Oh, and sleep, I'll be putting that on hold as well. So, between, work, the horses, my photography stuff (still have 2 weddings to finish editing), and school, guess what I haven't been doing.... EXERCISE!!! Which may also be contributing to my current state of nasty attitude. I feel like a few pounds have snuck back on. I refuse to step on a scale and see how many. My jeans still fit but they are most definitely snugger. I can tell my flexibility has gone downhill and there is a little more jiggle in my thighs. Sigh. Pffft. So, my vow, my solemn vow, is that after my two week out of town stint, it is back on the exercise wagon. No excuses, no cop-outs, no giving up. By Spring I want to be fit, not "I can run around the block" fit, but "Did you see the arms on that chic?" fit. As a result of being overextended, I am also not in a good frame of mind to handle change. There have been some big changes at my work, namely a new employee. I need to have a much better frame of mind about her than I do. I should be setting a better example for my staff. I need to not want to call in sick the days she is working. Vow number two, at the end of two weeks I need to go back to work with a better frame of mind.

Ok, now that we hashed out the attitude, we can roll on to the hunger. I think many of the above reasons are playing into the hunger factor. An additional one may be the plain old fact that I am tired, again. So, time to start recognizing the difference between hungry and tired. If only I could take a nap at lunch. My other problem at work is that instead of running off at the mouth when something irritates me, and by that, I mean makes me IRATE, I shove peanuts in my mouth. Handfuls of peanuts from the snack drawer. It could be worse, it could be chocolate, but it's not a healthy habit none-the-less. It is getting cool in the evenings, so I think that I want to eat in the evenings, for no apparent reason. Basically, I have taken a little turn for the worst. But, the buck stops here. Time to turn the tide back the other direction and get myself pulled together. I'm too important, have come too far, and worked too hard to let a little exhaustion and crappy co-worker rain on my parade. I don't wanna be a bear, I hope you don't wanna be a bear either.

Shhhh... I have a secret.

Do you love the skin you're in?? What is that commercial, Olay? Dove? Anyways, here is my secret. Having beautiful skin has nothing to do with what you put on it. I'll say it again, having beautiful skin has NOTHING to do with what you put on it. God's honest truth. So, Funny Fat Chic, you say, what does it have to do with??

Water. Mostly water, and some of what you eat. Maybe a touch of genetics. Here is the deal. Please don't think I am being conceited here, I have just realized the answer to a mystery. I get compliments on my skin all the time. From people I know and from complete strangers. Like ALL the time, almost daily. It's like kinda weird. Makes me uncomfortable. I mean I would rather get a compliment on my flabby ass, or manly hands, or stubby legs. In my youth, my skin was ok, typical teenage skin, the occasional zit, nothing to write home about. In my 20's, with the nasty eating habits and stress of college and the like, I had major acne. Awful, painful, hideous looking skin. I was mortified. I had never had my skin look like that before. I tried every cream, every wash, everything from Proactive to tea tree. You name it, I put it on my face. Guess what??? None of it worked. And most of it is expensive. I went through a phase where I decided to eat right, drink water instead of soda pop, exercise, and my skin cleared up without me even trying. Know what's cheap?? Water.

Fast forward to current date. Two weeks after I started my initial juice cleanse all anyone could talk about was my skin. You are glowing, what are you doing? Are you pregnant? No, man, I am on the juice. As part of the juicing I got in the habit of drinking A LOT of water. Currently, I shoot for a gallon a day. Think about that for a second. Does the 4 glasses of water you grab throughout the day add up to a gallon... Probably not. First thing when I get up in the morning, I drink 32 oz before I jump in the shower. Next thing, I drink hot water and fresh lemon juice before I have breakfast. Lemon is a good cleanser inside and out. It's cheap, it's tasty tart, it's good stuff. Then I continue to drink water through the day. The water keeps my guts moving, gross, but important, helps my liver filter out the bad stuff that would usually break out on my face, and keeps my cells hydrated. The only time I get a blemish is if I stray off my healthy path. I recently read a study that said 80% of Americans are clinically dehydrated. That is why we are sluggish, hungry, and full of zits!!! But seriously, drink a lot of water. Measure for awhile so you know how much a gallon really is. Drink your water.

The also mentions of pretty skin, what you eat... Don't eat processed food. Bottom line. It has additives, chemicals, things that your body hates. Things that your body tries to get rid of in cruel ways, like acne, bad coloring, wrinkles. Clean eating = clear skin. Drink your water.

Last one, genetics. In this case you got what you got. So, drink your water.

That's my secrets for great skin. I haven't used lotion in months. Just sunscreen. I'm not dry, I'm a little glowy (not as much as when I just juice), and I feel pretty good. Know why??? I drink my water.

Pretty is as pretty does...

Have you ever had a pretty person tell you that you're pretty?? A couple of weeks ago I was photographing a horse show and one of the contestants that hadn't seen me in awhile told me how pretty I was. She said it with such conviction and sincerity that for that moment, I WAS pretty.

I have always categorized people like so... There are pretty people and then there is me. Seems like a shallow way to divide people up, but it keeps things simple. There are just people that ooze beauty, some of them just on the outside and some of them from the inside out. Basically everyone of my friends is these people, they are all gorgeous. How I ever found so many pretty people, I'll never know. I carry enough self-loathing that the inside out beauty isn't gonna happen and between the extra weight, the crazy hair, and the ugly nose, I have never been one to fall in the outside beauty column either. Or at least that has been my mindset to date.

If a pretty person tells you that you are pretty, it just might be true. I mean who better to know what pretty is than someone who stares at it in the mirror on a daily basis. So, here is what I have been trying to do for the past two weeks... I have been trying to act like I am pretty. Not some conceded, I can just walk around in a bikini, flip my hair and get my way kind of pretty, but the inside out kind of pretty. The pretty that cares to take care of herself, the pretty that doesn't hang her head when passing people, the pretty that isn't worried about being ugly all the time. I'm not constantly winning on the pretty front, but I'm trying to keep a better self-image going. I feel like this is an important step in my weight loss journey, changing the way that I see myself and projecting that interpretation to others. I still have weight to lose, fitness to gain, and work to do, but it is ok, to be ok with where I am at during this very moment. You know why??? 'Cause someone thinks I'm pretty.