Be where you are when you are there.

How's that for a confusing, slightly Confucius title??? This is going to be a little bit convoluted post and I will try to tie it into eating/exercising/and being a fat kid by the end, but bare with me in the mean time.

I have not only made some major life changes in the past year (year and a half), but I have also made some major life decisions, and have also had some major life thrown at me. As a result, if you know me, I some what resemble a chicken with her head cut off. I am basically chasing my tail every where I go. Normally, I would deal with this by eating, lots and lots of eating. And don't get me wrong, I still do my fair share. But, here is a little something I have been trying to do lately.... I have a pretty darn type-A personality. I like to be in control and I like for things to be perfect. So, giving something a half-hearted effort just isn't in my nature. It bothers me. Missing a deadline nearly kills me. Being out of commission because I am sick does nothing but fuel me with anger. So, right now I am working full-time, going back to school, riding/training two horses with others that need cared for at home, and moonlighting as a photographer. This is a lot for me. Some people may be able to breeze through with this schedule and not look back, but for me, it is a load. I find myself or at least my brain trying to be in all these places at the same time. As a result, I am not focused on what I am doing when I am doing it. I have crazy dreams about work where everything is falling apart, or I forgot to do something critical for a patient (I work at a horse hospital), or even worse, I dream that I get fired. Which in all honesty could be a blessing in disguise, but I just can't afford it right now. I am doing well in school, but I seriously am just waiting for the shoe to drop. I can't keep this up forever, can I??? I am a little behind in my photo processing, but I refuse to stress about it. What I have left are two weddings that I didn't charge for so at this point I feel like they are getting what they paid for. Sounds cold, but I gotta draw the line somewhere. So, you ask, what about a social life??? I am a social creature. I have close friends that I love and cherish and don't want them to get the shaft. So, I am working that in the mix too. Balance is important, no, balance is vital. And my family. Let's not leave them behind. So, finally here is the thing I have been trying to do. When I am at a place, let's say work, I try to just be at work. I try not to worry about school unless its lunch and I can squeeze it in. When I am at school, its all school. No FB, no worrying about work, no stressing over pictures, no guilty feelings about friends or family. When I am riding, I try to stay focused on my horse, not let my mind drift, think about each step she is making and how I am directing it. When I am with my friends, I enjoy every minute of them. I try to beat back thoughts of all the things I NEED to be getting done, and just be with them. When I am with my family, I listen to how their day was, try to be in the room with them, not racing around in my mind trying to do more than I should. This is not an easy process for me. I like to be going a million directions, I thrive on it, I do better under pressure. But, I have myself at a maxed out point where I am going to be picking quantity over quality and that just isn't my style. I want to be good at the things I am doing and I want the people that I am with to know that I am with them. I don't want to be so stressed that all I can think about is eating. Give it a try. Try just doing one thing at a time. See how it feels. I'm not saying there won't be times where you need to be multi-tasking and putting to use your super-human powers, I'm just saying don't overuse them. There may be a limit on them. Take time to do what you are doing right. Be where you are when you are there. Don't miss out because your body is in one place and your head is in another.

WHAT was I thinking???

What, I repeat, WHAT was I thinking??? I told you guys that I was going to work for my old boss for a couple of weeks (taking vacation from my current job to do so), and that it was gonna be kinda sorta hard. I am currently in the midst of that two week stint. I had to come home for four days to go back to class and I am heading back down tonight. But, just for fun, I thought I would run a 5k the morning after I got home. You know, instead of resting up for the next challenging week, go run a race. Right now you are probably thinking, well that's good, Funny Fat Chic has been running, good for her, maybe I should run too! Ha! Pfffft! Don't kid yourself. I opted to run the 5k with no training what-so-ever. As in I ran not one step for the couple of months prior to this 5k unless I was chasing a food truck of some kind. I realize that a 5k shouldn't require a lot of training, but some previous running may have been helpful. When we arrived the vast majority of the people there looked like they had been running before the race. Not running like right before the race, but maybe like they had been running several, if not many consecutive days prior to the race in a preparation of sorts for this particular day. There was one gal in particular that I will never forget her backside, as in I got a really good look at it due to the fact that she out ran me quite handily and I only got a look at her backside. She had long, toned legs, not short chubby ones like mine, a tight back that would look great in any bra, not like mine where I am continually trying to camouflage my back fat, and her arms were ripped, not rippling in the wind with every step like my own. While I will never have her height or length of leg, I aspire to be her, she is motivation.  I won't lie, I made it through, I ran the hills, I even ran and then went back for my friend and walked with her when she was feeling a little winded. So, I did it, and I felt like ass later (sorry for the language, but seriously, I felt like ass), and I ate onions rings after to make up for the whopping 75 calories I probably burned on that 3-point-whatever miles. So, I was considering it a wake up call, not that I didn't already have intentions to get rolling on the exercise wagon again anyways, but my readily apparent out of shape-ness on that little jaunt was pretty clear. Then it happened. I mean IT happened. They posted the race pictures. You know, in case you wanted to see yourself and all your out of shape glory attempting to pretend to jog up a hill... On the Internet... For all the world to see, not just me. So, there I am jogging with my incredibly adorable friend and what's that jogging with us??? Oh, yes, it's my gut. My bouncing, odd ball, ever present, spare tire. Illuminating itself through my brand new race t-shit, as if mocking the entire set-up. My gut was like, "Hey guys, see me, I'm not racing anyone, not even myself. How ironic that this race shirt even fits over me." OK, if I wasn't awake enough, those pictures did it for me. Color me back to exercising as soon as I get home from Reno. Lookout core, you're gonna be sore. Expect to see T-25 updates on this here blog. Expect to see less of me the next time you see me. Expect results. 'Cause here is the thing, I did that race and I made it, and I did fine, and a year ago, year and a half, that wouldn't of been true, but I have stalemated, and that isn't fair to me. Time to finish this thing. I know I will always struggle a bit, but I don't want to be fearful or ashamed of pictures of myself popping up somewhere. I want to be happy that I did it and looked good doing it. That's what I want. I want all the other stuff too, healthy habits, good to great fitness, etc. But deep down I want what we all want, I want to look good doing it. No more pushing snooze on this alarm clock, it's time to get down to business!!

P.S. I am VERY happy I did that race. It was good quality time with my friend and good gauge for me to see where I am really at. I don't regret a second of it, even if it means my gut made an Internet debut.